


Ocean Moon

by youshouldfear



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arekan, D.Gray-man - Freeform, DGM, Drama, Emotionally Repressed, Gay Sex, Island - Freeform, M/M, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Yullen, aggressive kanda, kanda and allen, kandaxallen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-07-26 12:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7573696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youshouldfear/pseuds/youshouldfear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanda and Allen are sent on a mission overseas without an estimated return date. With golems not broadcasting, Kanda and Allen find themselves in trouble physically and emotionally.  This takes place within the time frame of season 1.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tension

“Bean sprout?” I have to go with him?” Kanda complained. He looked incredulously over to Allen Walker. He was pretty sure Komui just liked to irritate him by sending him out with Allen. Kanda could only stay away so long; his other missions would eventually come to a close.

He was better than Allen. He hated all this talk about how Allen was so special and so damn amazing. Kanda could beat Allen. Actually…that didn’t sound like a bad idea to him. He would take down all the level two Akuma by himself. Allen could handle the measly bunch of level ones. Kanda was trying to think of how to accomplish this while Komui babbled on about amazing, wondrous Allen Walker.

“Oh, there he is!” Komui shouted excitedly as Allen entered the room shyly. Kanda took his hand away from his pondering chin and glared in Allen’s direction.

“You and Kanda have a mission together. It’s across the seas on an island. On this island, we believe there is innocence. See, the island keeps moving. And because this is so peculiar, I’m suspecting a large amount of innocence. With this quantity, I believe your innocence will be helpful. I’ve already explained to Kanda why he’s your partner. Please ignore his moody disposition, “Komui explained cheerfully.

“Okay, but where is the island?” Allen asked.

“Were you not listening?” Kanda asked condescendingly. “The island keeps moving, bean sprout.”

“He has a valid question Kanda,” Komui said, backing Allen. “Unfortunately, the only way to find the island is really to just run into it. This is going to be a very long mission boys. Don’t ever worry about supplies running out, there will be a full cargo ship attached to your ship.”

Kanda’s eyes widened and he sat straight up in his chair. He stared at Allen and then to Komui. He was in disbelief.

“You don’t _know_ how long we’ll be stuck together?” Kanda asked Komui angrily. He stood up and slammed his hands palm down on Komui’s desk. Papers flew up and spiraled down around the three men. A single sheet landed on Kanda’s head. His lips were pursed and his brows furrowed. Allen stood up and quickly snatched the paper from Kanda’s head and handed it quickly to Komui.

“Thank you Allen,”” Komui said receiving the paper. He looked up to Kanda. “You two can go now.”

Kanda glared at Komui and waited for Allen to leave. Allen smiled at Komui and left the room respectfully.

‘Eager little…probably already packing. Ready to please.’ Kanda’s bitter internal dialogue was interrupted.

“You know I’ve got to have someone to watch him. He’ll over exert himself,” Komui said gently. Kanda backed off the table and turned. He walked through the door and huffed off to his room.

Everything had been packed already; he should’ve known that. He looked at his room with no particular feeling and came into the large hallway. Allen stood at the end; he smiled to Kanda. Kanda did not reciprocate. He didn’t know much of Allen and didn’t like how everyone thought he was a gift from God. Kanda was sure that he was a better fighter anyway.

“What’s the matter?” Allen asked approaching Kanda gently. Kanda ignored him and walked down the hall. The ship was to leave immediately.

Kanda pulled the rigging hard; the rope burned his hand. He enjoyed the work, anything to keep away from Allen. He looked out over the ship; he was still angry about not knowing how long this mission would last. Missions like this had happened before; Komui just decided to pair up Kanda with Allen instead of the normal crew.

The wood was becoming warm beneath Kanda’s boots. He shifted uncomfortably holding the ropes. The early light rose over the blue ocean to make for a cool morning. A breeze picked up and it sailed through Kanda’s high ponytail. He was relieved by the subtle wind, he hated warmth. Kanda was best suited for survival in the arctic, not the tropics. Warmth gave him nausea. He worried about becoming controlled, relaxed, gentle, and even soft. While these are all feelings that one might greet with open arms; Kanda recoiled. He liked ice to keep him alert and rigid.

“Kanda!” Allen shouted as a morning greeting. Kanda had nowhere to run, he let the fifteen year old boy talk to a wall.

“Kanda, you haven’t talked to me since we got on the ship, that was two weeks ago,” Allen pointed out while resting on the side of the ship. Kanda kept his breath steady and his eyes focused on the lapping waves.

“What did I do to you to make you so cold towards me?” Allen pressed on. Kanda ignored him. Allen gripped Kanda’s sleeve to get his attention.

“Let go, bean sprout,” Kanda said with a dead tone.

“Answer my question,” Allen said stubbornly.

“Do you think you’re so special that you’re the only one who pisses me off?” Kanda asked throwing Allen’s hand from his sleeve.

“Hey!” Allen said keeping his hands to himself now. “I just know you’re a particular-“

“What? You’re not special, Walker. Get over yourself,” Kanda said tieing the ropes and walking away. Allen didn’t give up.

“I never said I was-“

“You didn’t have to. Your presence just exudes it.”

“What?”

“Stop playing stupid! You’re really annoying. Am I the first to have told you that?” Kanda was itching to just punch the kid and go back to work. Maybe a good physical injury would make him leave Kanda alone.

“I haven’t done anything except what I was ordered to do,” Allen said defending himself.

“it doesn’t make you less annoying,” Kanda said still walking away with his back turned. Allen was following Kanda with determination.

“you’re just-“

“Can you not live with yourself if someone doesn’t like you?” Kanda turned around. In Allen’s haste to follow, he didn’t stop in time and ran face first into Kanda’s chest. He backed up quickly and found himself blushing.

“The Earl doesn’t like you,” Kanda continued. He was also trying to cover up being flustered just as Allen was.

“The Earl…” Allen didn’t know how to finish. Kanda didn’t care anymore, he left Allen to glisten in the sun.

“The galley is going to close boys, it’s late. You better eat now if you want food!” The cook yelled across the upper deck. Kanda realized he hadn’t eaten for six hours. He walked down to the galley expecting to eat in the dim candle light, by himself.  Allen’s white hair moved across his face as he looked up at the door clicking behind Kanda. Kanda refused to look him in the eyes. He sat down on the opposite end of the table and listened for the cook to follow them in. Awkward silence circulated through the room.

“Ka…” Allen went to speak up but the cook entered the room. He greeted the two boys happily and proceeded into the kitchen. Kanda sat in his uniform, chair pushed back, left leg resting on his right knee. Allen sat opposite, hands folded neatly in his lap and eyes focused intently on his glove.

Food arrived in front of the exorcists with friendly service. Allen thanked the cook and he went back into the kitchen to clean up. Kanda pushed in his chair in and ate the food with little ravish. His stomach growled. Allen thought he heard Kanda’s stomach and wondered if he was just being polite by not stuffing his face. Allen wanted to eat like a hog.

Allen thought about how Kanda had told him that he wasn’t anything special. Kanda wouldn’t be polite to Allen. Allen in turn, was polite. The room was heavy with unspoken words. Forks entered opposite mouths at different times to keep anyone from articulating feelings.

Kanda looked up to the soft white hair across the table. He watched Allen take his gloved fingers and push his hair gently out of his face and behind his ear. Kanda’s pony tail felt tight against his head in contrast. He couldn’t stand sitting and eating with Allen anymore and he certainly didn’t want to go below deck with him. He left his half eaten food on the table, pushed his chair back, and turned around. As Kanda reached for the door knob Allen spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

Kanda gripped the handle. He didn’t know what to make of the apology. He didn’t know how to react. He didn’t have the impulse to accept the apology at all. He wanted to reject anything that Allen said. He ignored it and left the galley to go to his room.

‘He can’t stand anyone who doesn’t like him. He’s apologizing to get on my good side, he didn’t even know what he was sorry for.’ Kanda thought opening his tiny sleeping quarters. He pulled off his uniform and not two minutes later, Allen came down.

Kanda had changed and pulled out his hair. He put out his oil lamp and climbed into his cot. He curled his body to fit the six foot pad and pulled an itchy blanket over his body. He made sure to face away from the screen mesh opening in his door.

Kanda woke up before anyone else did. He went up on deck and stared out at the moon. He wasn’t losing his cool after three weeks. There was something about Allen that bothered him. He told himself that Allen thought he was special and held himself higher than anyone. The truth was that Allen didn’t think or act likes that. The rest of the Order treated Allen like that, which made Kanda irritated with the fifteen year old.

Black long hair was picked up by the wind and it covered Kanda’s high cheekbones. He let the mane flow over his skin, obscuring his sight of the moon. The moon looked strange with black streaks of hair over it. Clouds of a darker nature drew over the light in the sky. The wind dropped Kanda’s hair and his eyes lingered where the moon had been. His skin gave rise to goose bumps and the mysterious orb peeked through the grey blue clouds. The lunary tugged at his heart.

As quietly as he could, Kanda snuck back into his little room and laid on the cot, cold under the itching blanket.

It was if Kanda had a hard exoskeleton when it came to social interaction. The entire month of March while he was on the ship, Kanda was hostile. He almost barked orders like the captain. It was so dull on the ocean; it left too much time for thinking. Kanda was uncomfortable with his thoughts. He was prepared to fight. The ship provided work which Kanda often did; relieving men of their jobs.

“Hoist the anchor!” had become Kanda’s favorite phrase in the mornings. Moving and sailing through the ocean made him at least feel like they were covering ground. At night was the worst to be around him. Coming to a stop, relaxing in the current, playing dice, and ending work; the crew looked forward to it. Kanda stopped speaking and often stared out to the waxing and waving moon. He almost had a romantic connection to it. Someone commented on this.

“You know, he’s full of himself. He stands over there like he’s the King of England, too good to talk to anyone,” a crew member complained while playing poker.

“He can probably hear you Clive,” another man said while folding.

“I don’t really give a rat’s ass if he can hear me,” Clive continued raising the stakes.

“Just leave the crab to his shell,” the second man said.

“Those exorcists are egocentric and sons of bitches,” Clive went on taking a swig from his flask.

“I like Mr. Walker,” said a third man, trading cards.

“Allen’s alright,” Clive agreed. “The one over there,” Clive cocked his head back to motion to Kanda, “though, he’s got some issues.”

No one said anything to agree or disagree. They could see Kanda coming. A hand shot out and grabbed Clive strongly on the shoulder.

“Do you want to keep talking?” Kanda asked coldly.

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Clive said turning his head to face Kanda. His own hand tried prying off Kanda’s hand with no avail. Kanda’s face held a snarl on it.

“You’re just proving my point,” Clive said digging himself a deeper hold. Kanda picked up Clive by the shoulders with both hands. No one else stood up until Kanda started pushing Clive towards the edge of the ship.

“Kanda, he didn’t mean it, he’s drunk, he’s drunk!” the third man said standing back nervously. Kanda’s temper was never in check. He felt his neck getting hot, but his hands kept cool and firm. He demanded respect with his presence, and when it was disregarded, he had daggers flying out his eyes.

“Yu!” Allen shouted from across the ship. He had been on the upper deck near the helm and saw the scene coming undone. Kanda instantly dropped Clive (who fell over and scrambled away) and started toward Allen.

Allen started to come down from the helm to meet Kanda, who was making a B-line for him.

“What did you call me?” Kanda asked seriously.

“Yu…” Allen repeated. He found something he only knew about Kanda, and he could hold it over him. Allen wasn’t really vindictive, but he liked the idea of teasing Kanda.

“No. No, you don’t call me that,” Kanda ordered coldly.

“That’s your name,” Allen said acting like he didn’t know what Kanda was talking about.

“Alright, _bean sprout_ ,” Kanda said grabbing Allen’s uniform. He gripped it tightly and pulled him close to his face threateningly. Allen’s heart was bruising his ribcage with its rapid thumping. He was not afraid of Kanda’s wrath, just the proximity. He could smell salt water and something else. He couldn’t place the smell; it wasn’t bad, just unique.

“Don’t call me that ever again. We aren’t friends and I don’t like you,” Kanda said making uncomfortably threatening eye contact. Allen’s breath was caught in his throat; he just stared at Kanda wanting to kiss him. Allen blushed. Kanda was repelled by this and pushed him away.

The two boys stood only feet apart, each wondering what had happened. Kanda stared coldly. He was trying to make Allen leave first. Kanda was the dominate one there; he wasn’t going to let the all important Allen win

“Yu…”

Kanda charged back over to Allen and pulled the hair back from his forehead.

“Did you not hear me? Do you like this?” Kanda asked glaring ruthlessly into Allen’s eyes. His hold on the boy’s white hair was tight and it exposed his scar fully. Kanda watched as Allen’s face changed. He could see a nervousness within those eyes. Allen’s mouth parted, he was having trouble breathing due to Kanda’ intimidating stature. Allen raised his mutated hand to Kanda’ chest. Kanda loosened his grip on Allen’s hair and pushed him away.

Kanda’s mouth opened in mock disgust. Pretending to be appalled, he walked to the edge of the ship. He held on tightly and fixed his gaze on the moon. It was safer that way.

“Yu,” Allen began for the third time. There was no reproach. Kanda tensed, he wasn’t going to humor the boy anymore. It irritated him to have anyone use his first name and Allen now knew that. Nobody called him that, and if Allen started to…he didn’t need people thinking they were any sort of ‘together’.

Allen came to Kanda’s side. Kanda felt every intention to kiss him, and he couldn’t explain it. He devoured the moon with his eyes. He repeated things in his head about instructions on the mission and meaningless facts on Japanese cuisine. Antyhing to keep his mind off the white hair to his right.

Allen pulled lightly at Kanda’s sleeve.

“Don’t,” Kanda said taking his arm back to himself. He turned to go again, to run away from an uncomfortable situation.

“Don’t leave me again,” Allen asked softly.

“What’s my name?”

“Kanda.”

Kanda left, feeling secure with his first name intact.


	2. Waves of Emotion

Wind whipped Kanda’s high ponytail behind him. Crew men were rushing around the ship trying to keep it in check. Kanda joined the men to keep himself occupied. It was appreciated when the strong, brooding exorcist helped out.

Nobody protested about Kanda or Allen doing work, except Kanda who protested Allen. Allen was trying to help out Kanda, who refused to acknowledge him. It became increasingly difficult for Kanda to get anything done without running into Allen.

Kanda was securing the cannons when a gloved hand touched his. Kanda’s ungloved hand jumped back and pushed the new hand away. He continued to tie up the cannons. Allen disregarded the rejection and tied up the other side, faster. Kanda swiftly moved over to examine the knot and found it was the wrong kind. Allen was already moving on to take over Kanda’s job.

“You’re just messing everything up!” Kanda shouted as thunder rolled dully behind him. Allen looked up; wind tried to take his white angel hair.

“What?” Allen asked watching Kanda approach him.

“You’re tying it wrong and I don’t have time to fix it,” Kanda shouted while fixing the cannon that Allen had just done.

“I’m just trying to help,” Allen argued.

“And you’re failing. Just let me do it,” Kanda said going along the rest of the ship.

Winds began picking up with intensity; it was becoming harder to see for anyone with long hair. The ship was becoming unstable as waves rolled underneath. The captain began yelling with such urgency that organized chaos broke out all over the vessel.

As men flew all over the ship, Kanda watched white hair out of the corner of his eye. He was still very accurate at handling the rigging, but found too often he wasn’t as quick as he had been. Allen had backed off and stood to the side, which made for easier babysitting.

Kanda was in his moment, he didn’t have feelings to think about or emotions of Allen clouding his mind. As he worked between the yelling and rushing around, he saw white hair flying under his nose. His eyes locked onto the blur and watched it reach out for a man who was about to fall off of the ship. Kanda imitated Allen and ran forth to save someone from falling off. Allen was bending over the edge, extending his hand to a man that had hold of some netting. The ship was experiencing the wrath of the wind and the man below had no strength to pull himself up. In all of Allen’s chivalry, he neglected himself. Kanda was left to rescue the selfless.

Regardless of Kanda’s illogical reasoning and pride for not saving Allen, he did anyway. Lurching forward on the rocking ship, he took a strong hold of Allen’s ankle. Allen was about to be swallowed by the ocean as it tossed the man on the netting to his death. Kanda’s head had smashed right into the side of the ship and blood trickled out ignored. He was pulling Allen’s body back into the now slippery deck. Rain was pouring out in big thick drops and making it difficult to see between Kanda’s pounding head and the pounding rain.

Allen’s uniform was being tugged down; his torso was being scraped across the edge of the ship and all -the blood that had gone to his head rushed back into his limbs. He became light-headed as he hit the deck. He tried focusing his rattled eyes and found a long strong hand sprawled out to support its body. Clearing his vision, he stood up too fast and lost his balance. Before he came crashing down, Kanda reached out and captured him in his arms. Allen looked up from Kanda’s chest and smiled, but Kanda wasn’t looking. Kanda was focused on his stability and concern for the ship.

As the massive vessel moved with the ocean current, Kanda held tight onto Allen. Kanda watched the scene unfold around him; three more men proceeded to be thrown overboard. Allen struggled against Kanda’s arms to help, he couldn’t break free. Kanda pulled Allen through the rain to put him below deck.

“I won’t go down!” Allen shouted through the rain. His white hair was matted against his face and he was sturdy in his intentions.

“You are not going to save anyone else!” Kanda argued while dragging Allen behind him. Allen suddenly stopped and the ship rocked, throwing Kanda at Allen. Kanda’s hand was tight on Allen’s now gloveless one. Kanda slipped his fingers between Allen’s flesh and pulled him close. Their eyes looked past each other; Kanda’s rested on Allen’s shoulder.

“You’re worth more than them,” Kanda said. It was in his mind to put a hierarchy on people; he and Allen rose to the top. Allen’s mouth parted in disapproval.

“Kanda!” Allen said in disbelief. He pulled away only to be stopped by Kanda’s grasp. The ship was utterly out of control and with Allen trying to play hero, it was hard to stand up straight.

“No,” Kanda ordered pulling his hand. He thrust him towards himself, but in a very cold, angry manner. “It might kill you to be selfless,” Kanda said dragging Allen back to the stairs leading below deck. Allen opened his mouth to protest and was cut off. Kanda had thrown both himself and Allen out of the way of a threatening mound of loose cannonballs. Both of them were getting violently whipped around like lifeless dolls. Lightening struck the mast and the cracking tower pummeled down to the deck. A man screamed out in horror; he was pinned down and bleeding.

Allen tried to scramble away from underneath Kanda. Kanda grabbed wildly around for any fabric within his reach. He was stomach down on top of a squirming Allen. Kanda reached out desperately for the escaped boy, but found Allen was already skidding across the deck to the wounded man.

Kanda’s view was skewed and as he stood up, the shipped rocked and his feet slipped. He pushed himself up and ran for Allen. Allen was trying to push the mast up a little, to gain leverage enough for the man to slip out. He was too busy concentrating on freeing the man that he didn’t notice Kanda rushing to him. Within a few moments, Allen was taken down.

Kanda felt cannon balls pelt his back. He tried holding strong to protect Allen but started to falter. His back trembled under the pressure and he crumpled onto Allen. The cannon balls rolled over the bodies. Kanda’s head was bleeding profusely; it was rested on Allen’s white hair. That white wet hair was turning pink, mixing with Kanda’s blood.

Pushing himself up, Kanda’s head throbbed. His vision was a disaster and wet hair was matted against his face. The scream of the man under the mast was ringing through Allen’s head. Allen was alive and someone else was not. Kanda had saved Allen’s life after declaring that he wouldn’t risk his own. Allen pulled himself under Kanda and grabbed onto his shoulders. They stood together, holding each other for stability.

They regained their sea legs and started piling the cannon balls into a crate. Allen ran off for rope and he dropped it back across the deck to Kanda. Before the crate was secure, the ship swayed violently again. Allen dodged the heavy masses and flung himself across the top of the crate. Kanda quickly tied down the crate while Allen retrieved the escaped cannon balls. He came wavering back holding an armful. They secured the cannon balls inside and Kanda seized Allen’s wrist.

“You’re going down,” Kanda said defiantly. He tore Allen away from their position and fought against the ship, Allen’s stubborn footing and the beating rain. Falling and tripping all the way back to hatch for the lower deck, the captain yelled at the men. Allen felt as if he was running away.

“We need to help!” Allen shouted. He had been tugging at Kanda the entire time.

“Stop being a selfish brat!” Kanda yelled back. Allen suddenly lost his hard stand found himself getting shoved down.

“Look at _you_!” Allen retorted. Kanda had Allen locked below now. He looked down through the grate to which Allen was grasping.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kanda said glaring into Allen’s wet face and innocent eyes. The taller exorcist stood up and was out of sight. Allen’s heart thudded against his chest just like the rain beat against the crew. Kanda hadn’t even paid attention when he was leading Allen around, because Allen was in the cargo hold standing on some crates. His fingers began to blister as he hlung to the grate while the ship rolled.

“Let me out Kanda!” Allen screamed.

Kanda was doing all he could to keep the ship steady. He was pulling hard on rigging and securing everything. Hearing his name called, he ran up to the helm. He seemed to be the one with the most stamina. His grip on the wheel was crushing compared the hold he had on Allen.

The storm raged on until dusk. They sailed through to the night and the clouds cleared to reveal a sliver of a moon. Once in the clear, Kanda came to let Allen out of the cargo hold. The captain took back the helm again and Kanda’s stability faltered. Blackness surrounded his vision and the deck met his face with a smack.

“Moyashi…” Kanda whispered as the captain tried to get him to speak.

When Kanda opened his eyes next, he thought he might’ve died. All he could make out of the dim light was blinding white. It wasn’t in Allen to slap Kanda; instead he took the compassionate route and waited at the foot of his bed for the stubborn savior to wake up.

“I hate you,” Allen said remembering how Lenalee must’ve felt when Allen had tried to play hero. Kanda groaned that Allen had watched him sleep.

“Likewise,” Kanda replied reaching for his ponytail holder. He ran his fingers through his hair and made a perfect ponytail. He glared at Allen with no emotion in his face.

“What?! I didn’t do anything!” Allen shouted. Kanda pushed Allen off the tiny bed and pulled on his uniform. He had taken his head bandages off before he had done his hair, and they fell with Allen on the floor.

“Why do you have to be such a jerk?!” Allen shouted, picking himself up. Kanda looked through Allen. He wouldn’t admit out loud that Allen could’ve died, and then how he would feel. It scared him to the point he head became protective and controlling. Recognizing his previous actions, he refused to admit to any of it.

“You are so aggravating,” Allen groaned taking his chest down and his head up. “Would you just talk to me? Did you forget everything during the storm?”

“I must’ve,” Kanda answered. He liked the idea of having no recollection of the events and his guardian-like behavior.

“Ah!” Allen shouted in exasperation. He followed Kanda to the upper deck,  jogging a little to keep up with the longer legged eighteen year old.

“Kanda, talk to me,” Allen whined. Kanda stopped answering Allen all together. Up on deck it was still dark out, around 3 am. Kanda realized that he hadn’t slept long enough but didn’t want Allen following him around.

“What do you want bean sprout?” Kanda finally asked to get Allen to stop bugging him.

“My name-“ Kanda glared coldly with intense boredom on his face.

“You had no right to lock me up,” Allen said getting to the point.

“No right?” Kanda asked with amusement. “Who has the right to tell anyone what to do?”

“…”

“God didn’t say I could or couldn’t lock you up, so I did what I wanted,” Kanda said, irritated that he had to explain himself.

“Well why did you want to?” Allen was met with a stone cold face. “Gah! Just answer me,” Allen said wringing his hands together in aggravation.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Kanda replied.

“But I was the one locked up. Don’t I get to know why?” Allen continued.

“No.”

“You are infuriating!” Allen stomped his boots. Kanda turned and walked past Allen who was behind him. He went back below deck to finish sleeping.

‘I try,” Kanda thought to himself smugly.

“Hey, hey!” Allen grabbed Kanda’s wrist like he did the second time they formally met. Kanda’s arm twisted in Allen’s hand and he opened the door to his tiny bedroom. It was really more of a closet with a built in bed.

“Let go,” Kanda said piercing Allen’s eye with his. “I don’t like when cursed people touch me.” Allen gripped tighter in turn.

“Let. Go,” Kanda said with his hand still on the door knob.

“You tell me why you wouldn’t let me help,” Allen said sticking up for himself. Kanda’s face came lightening fast into Allen’s and he forcibly removed his wrist from Allen’s grasp.

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” Kanda spat. Kanda pulled away and walked into his room, slammed the door and disturbed the rest of the mourning crew. A few lamps lit up and showed Allen standing in front of Kanda’s dark room.

“Is he alright?” a man from the card game asked Allen.

“Yeah…” Allen said looking at from Kanda’s shut door to the man.

Kanda laid in the cold dark. The blue woolen blanket covering his shoulders and his arms, pulled close to his chest. He wondered how long he could ignore Allen. He wondered if Allen could break him down. He ruled out breaking down. Kanda wasn’t even sure what he was feeling. Was his heart being vulnerable because Allen was innocent and kind? He was naive and stupid, that’s what it was. Kanda had no patience for that, so why did he save Allen? He couldn’t come to a conclusion he was comfortable with.

Kanda heard his door move. It wasn’t going to amount to a rat, Kanda could tell the difference. A body had moved outside his door.

‘Bean sprout,’ he thought miserably to himself. Kanda dragged himself out of bed and swung the door, smacking Allen’s foot. Kanda walked in front of Allen and stood in the dark, looming above him.

“Go to bed,” Kanda said peering down where Allen was sitting.

“I don’t have to listen to you either,” Allen said stubbornly. Kanda showed he didn’t care by turning to shut the door again. This dance was getting old fast. Allen decided he would come up with a plan to coax Kanda into talking to him in a less condescending way. He needed sleep now though.


	3. Restless

Allen didn’t say anything to Kanda for the next two weeks, at least not about being locked up. He had wanted Kanda to admit that he was protecting him. And while that was a big step in their strained relationship, Allen couldn’t help but be angry. Allen felt he could’ve saved some men if Kanda hadn’t decided he cared about him. Allen had slept with these thoughts for two weeks. He found himself blushing whenever he thought of that night. His stomach would contract and his face would grow hot. It was a strange mixture of feelings. He admired Kanda’s strong nature, his stubbornness was useful, and his determination always preserved. To think that Kanda had cared enough to save Allen, they had come a long way from Kanda almost lopping off Allen’s head when they first met.

Allen wasn’t sure how to approach Kanda anymore. All his attempts to talk to Kanda were useless. Kanda was a master at stone walling.

‘…cursed people touch me…’ Allen thought of Kanda’s remark. What did he really have against cursed people? Allen didn’t like to admit that Kanda was short sighted.

The moon was only a sliver tonight. Kanda was gazing at its reflection on the water. Allen watched him watching. He got an uneasy feeling in his chest. He felt as if his heart dropped to his stomach. They had been searching for this island for almost two months. They were sailing probably somewhere out in the Pacific Ocean with no direction. Komui had really believed that innocence had to do with this moving island though. Allen was finding it a little hard to accept that all they could do was wait, and that Kanda was okay with it.

Kanda shifted away from his pensive reflecting, it made him uncomfortable. He felt eyes on the back of his head. Turning around, Kanda spotted Allen hiding in the shadows. Kanda didn’t move, he simply stared at his little stalker.

‘Allen Walker…what are you thinking of me?’ Kanda pondered.

‘You want to know why I locked you up. Well you were getting in the way Moyashi,’ Kanda smirked. ‘You think I care-‘

“I don’t,” Kanda directed his comment to sneaky little Allen. “Come out of the shadows Moyashi.”

Allen’s face turned hot and he flustered.

“My name’s not Allen!” he shouted. Kanda let out a small snort. Allen realized what he said and started walking towards Kanda fearlessly.

“My name _is_ Allen,” he said glaring at big bad Kanda.

“Right, bean sprout,” Kanda was trying not to smile.

“Sorry for watching you,” Allen said, hoping that would cease the name calling for the night. Kanda hadn’t thought about Allen apologizing.

“You should be.”

Allen felt like he was never getting anywhere with being nice or irritating. He left Kanda while thoughts bubbled up in his head.

“Hmph,” Kanda said turning back to the water. He found a loose piece of wood and chucked it in the water. It sunk with a force but Kanda found it float back up. He pictured Allen slipping out of his hands and getting eaten by harsh waves. His body would come back up, face down. Kanda felt an uncomfortable tremor slither through his body. The mission would get called off; Kanda would return and would be proven right. The death toll within the Black Order was high. Everyone would go into mourning. Kanda wouldn’t be able to stand it. Had he slipped out…

Kanda had killed Akuma, humans too; he could deal with taking lives. He wasn’t sure he could handle knowing that it was his fault that he couldn’t save someone when he was actually trying.

He had told Allen when they were assigned their first mission together that they weren’t partners; Allen was on his own. The other night he had been completely hypocritical and was struggling with why his feelings had changed.

“Baka…” Kanda indiscriminately muttered under his breath. He went below deck and took off his dirty, salty, and stiff uniform. Taking it further down the ship, he left it in a heap with other laundry that needed to be done. He returned back to his room, sheet around his waist. His fingers gracefully let go of his door knob and silence was broken upon shutting the door.

“Ah! Sorry! Sorry! I-I-I uh, um, ahh!” Allen first stared at Kanda, then closed his eyes, stood up, tried to reach around Kanda to leave the room but found himself smashed up against the cold stone body of Kanda. Kanda in turn watched Allen flounder around. At first Kanda was angry, then he became just irritated which simmered down to a condescending amount.

There Allen was, a simple cotton button up shirt, his black uniform pants and boots. His right hand was reached around Kanda, failing to find the door knob; the crook of his arm was nestling Kanda’s waist line. Allen’s face was bright red, his eyes were closed tightly and he looked like he was choking.

Kanda pulled Allen’s extended arm upwards and grabbed his wrist. He pushed him onto the little flat bed. Allen scrambled to sit up, his limbs were trembling. Kanda stopped for a moment and looked down to the younger boy. He felt tall. A few things crossed his mind. He could either scare Allen more (which was highly appealing) or stop things before anyone got wrong ideas. Kanda let his super ego win the battle.

“Why are you in my room?” Kanda asked leaning against his door. His arms folded in an authorization manner.

“I…” Allen caught his breath. “I’m worried.”

“And you’re in my room…”

“Do you think we’re really going anywhere?” Allen asked relaxing a little. Kanda glared.

“You don’t believe Komui’s orders?” Kanda asked with dull incredulousity.

“I do!” Allen said trying to stop any ideas Kanda had about Allen questioning the Black Order.

“Then why are you worried?” Kanda asked, moving over to the bed. He sat down at the top of the bed and Allen kept facing towards the door.

“It’s taking so long, and don’t you find it stressful that communication was lost and none of the finders returned?” Allen asked bringing up a valid point.

“They weren’t doing their jobs right,” Kanda concluded. He shut his eyes in exhaustion. Talking to Allen took him out of the present situation, his mind wasn’t focused on the mission and he didn’t like it.

“Kanda! What if they’re captured or hurt?” Allen asked turning his body to Kanda and throwing his hands down.

“Then they should’ve been more careful. Like we will be,” Kanda said, eyes still closed.

“You’re cold,” Allen said regarding Kanda’s attitude and body temperature. Kanda got off the bed and stood in front of Allen, sideways. He pulled open a drawer that had his pajama bottoms in it. Allen turned again to watch Kanda. His face turned a violent shade of crimson like his arm. Kanda had taken off the sheet and put on bottoms.

Kanda climbed onto his small cot again, he sat down at the head of the bed.

“Kanda…?”

“What now?” Kanda actually looked at Allen while he was talking.

“I want to do something. I haven’t had to use my anti-akuma weapon, I’m not complaining about that, but I don’t seem to be any help around here either,” Allen sighed.

“Then make yourself useful,” Kanda suggested.

“Every time I want to help, _you_ stop me!” Allen said glaring a little at Kanda.

“Because you aren’t doing anything right,” Kanda said.

“Then you should teach me,” Allen suggested.

“I shouldn’t have to,” Kanda said dully.

“Aren’t you bored too?”

“Mmm…”

Allen shifted hopefully.

“Alright,” Kanda agreed.

“Thank you,” Allen said knowing he had somehow found a crack in Kanda.

“It hasn’t been so long,” Kanda commented.

“Hm?”

“You aren’t taking things very well for only two months at sea,” Kanda clarified.

“Hey!” Allen said shocked because Kanda was being rude again. He thought he had gotten somewhere.

“At least you don’t get sea sick,” Kanda said smirking.

“You stupid, stupid…ahhh, BAKA!” Kanda yelled at the crew members. They had been doing their jobs as they had been before. Perhaps a little slower, but the work was good. Kanda could feel their mourning, they talked about the lost men reverently. Kanda was sick of all the sulking. He became the odd one out, the bastard with the could heart. It became hard for him to keep his temper around the men because anytime someone talked or moved, Kanda was reminded he was alone.

“I seem to be the only one on this entire ship that can do any decent work without bursting into tears!” Kanda yelled. He took the nearest man and grabbed him by the threat, it was his modus operandi.

“Stop you’re wailing and work!” Kanda said tossing the man across the ship.

“Kanda!” Allen and the captain shouted at the same time. Allen ran to Kanda as the captain stood on the very top deck.

“This is not your ship or your men, so you will treat them with respect. Shouting orders and threatening them is not your place. Walker! Watch your friend if he can’t handle himself!” The captain shouted back down to the hot blooded Kanda.

Allen turned to Kanda in disbelief. Kanda glared up at the silhouette of the captain then ignored Allen. He turned his back on the man he had thrown. He didn’t feel sorry for exploding and he wasn’t going to apologize. It was an entire month after the storm and the men hadn’t gotten over it. This proved Kanda’s conduction about emotions.

“Kanda,” Allen said chasing after the brooding exorcist.

“Bean sprout,” Kanda said acknowledging Allen. Allen grimaced.

“Are you okay?” Allen asked honestly concerned.

“Hmph.”

“Kanda!”

Kanda stopped and turned around. Allen caught himself before he plowed into the angry boy.

“I don’t think you should bottle up your feelings. You’re taking it out on everyone else-“

“I’m not going to play therapy with you,” Kanda told him.

“I’m not asking you to, but you can’t just take it out on everyone else,” Allen told him.

“You’re repeating yourself,” Kanda said looking down on Allen.

“Kaaandaa,” Allen groaned in aggravation. Secretly Kanda wanted to laugh, it wasn’t that he was purposely annoying Allen or anything, but the kid could get so irritated easily by Kanda’s unemotional responses.

“Stop it. Just stop being such a jerk and show some sympathy, you unfeeling, cold-hearted, stone wall!” Allen shouted and left.

‘Did he just call me out?’ Kanda thought watching Allen leave. Kanda’s attitude didn’t change. He seemed to cool off only because he wasn’t near anyone else for a while. He always seemed to come back to the ocean, his thoughts stewed and he became furious again. He wasn’t doing a damn thing and he couldn’t stand it. Again, everyone’s tiny habits just pissed Kanda off.

Dinner came around and Kanda came down to the galley. Taking the seat opposite the captain, he subtly challenged the captain’s authority. On his plate were his favorite soba noodles, by his demand. Everyone else ate chicken and potatoes.

Allen sat down next to Kanda. He finished his dinner before anyone else had taken a bite. Kanda noticed Allan was eyeing his soba noodles. The kid had insatiable appetite.

“You want some,” Kanda said putting noodles up to his lips.

“Yea, thanks,” Allen said reaching his fork into Kanda’s plate. Only a centimeter from his mouth, chopsticks held his fork in suspense. Allen’s open mouth salivated for the soba noodles. Kanda pulled his face close to Allen’s, his chopsticks firmly on the fork.

“That wasn’t an invitation,” Kanda said seriously, taking the noodles off the fork and into his mouth. He kept close to Allen’s face, whose eyes were watching Kanda’s mouth chew. Allen’s heart beat faster than normal, he could smell that unique salty smell on Kanda. He could almost feel his lips…so close. Kanda swallowed and pulled himself away.

The table had been watching in fear, a fight between the two exorcists would be more than damaging to the ship. Kanda ignored the crew and continued with his dinner. Allen turned away, closed his jaw and blushed. He looked down to his empty plate and the cook came out to serve others.

“Would you like more Mr. Walker?” the cook asked.

“No, thanks,” Allen said keeping his head down. Everyone knew Allen was feeling bad. Kanda had made Allen lose his appetite. The captain cleared his throat before anyone could call out Kanda. Small chatter began quietly and soon the room was too loud to hear someone’s own thoughts. When Kanda stood up to leave, he saw Allen was already gone.

Before Kanda blindly came into his room, he looked to see a sullen Allen on his bed again. Kanda opened his door and folded his arms in the same manner he had before.

“And this time…?” Kanda asked. Allen’s head came up.

“Sorry,” he apologized. He always felt a compulsion to apologize. He could never stick to his guns.

“Again?” Kanda asked furrowing his eyebrows.

“I didn’t mean those things I said earlier. You aren’t unfeeling and cold hearted,” Allen explained. Kanda relaxed a little bit, but wondered why dinner made Allen want to apologize. It wasn’t like Kanda had been kind and generous.

“Don’t apologize for what you think or feel,” Kanda said. He couldn’t stand anyone who put on a façade just to please people.

“I-“

“You told me what you thought about me, don’t apologize for it,” Kanda argued.

“But I-“ Allen tried to get his piece out.

“You’re just making me angry now,” Kanda warned Allen.

“If you would just let me talk! I’m sorry I said those things, you just made ms so furious because you didn’t have any sympathy for the men! But I understand now, why you locked me up-“ Allen had it on the tip of his tongue.

“Shut up,” Kanda said taking a threatening step forward. He didn’t want to be reminded of his past actions. Allen scrambled away to the head of the little bed.

“You wouldn’t know how to handle it if I-“

Kanda had climbed onto the bed and followed Allen.

“Hey, bean sprout! Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” Kanda growled. Allen opened his mouth again and tried to cover his face. Kanda’s hand sliced through the air, right into Allen’s right eye. Allen was shocked, but he wasn’t going to take things lying down. He shook it off and raised himself under Kanda. He fought back.

Kanda’s right eyebrow ended up getting cut and he had blood trickling down his face. The tiny room had been torn up. They had mutilated every surface. Kanda’s fist was right above Allen’s right eye again. Kanda had successfully pinned down the kid with his left leg rested on Allen’s gut, his right leg holding down Allen’s left arm and Kanda’s right arm wrist locking Allen’s right arm. Allen struggled under Kanda, waiting for the blow. Kanda held his fist tight but saw how Allen’s right eye was already bruising. His heart thudded around for less than a second and he pulled off of Allen.

“Go,” Kanda said knowing more violence would not solve anything. He had gotten a good fight out and successfully damaged his sleeping quarters; he didn’t need a broken Allen for the mission.

Allen pushed Kanda out of the way when he was free. Across the ship he opened his own “bedroom”. Kanda heard the harsh ‘click’ of a lock. Kanda’s abdomen hurt, Allen had kicked him there.

“Baka,” Kanda muttered under his breath. He hung up his uniform jacket, took his boots off, and laid down on his bed. Taking out his pony tail, he saw blood on his pillow. It could’ve been Allen’s or his, he didn’t know.


	4. Confinement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Marks the beginning of a dream sequence~

"I still mean what I said," Allen mumbled to a busy Kanda.

"Good," Kanda was smug about last night.

"No, you think I mean what I meant, like the first time I said it, I don't mean that-"

"Shut up Moyashi," Kanda said already exasperated. It seemed to take less and less time for Kanda's temper to short circuit. Kanda tried to ignore the ramblings of the bruised boy.

"I know why," Allen implied.

"Do you want to eat my fist again?" Kanda threatened. All day this went on; Allen verging close to enduring Kanda's wrath. The crew watched them apprehensively but declined to comment or intervene. Bitter feelings sprouted from being stuck with the same view of the ocean and the same places on the ship. Far from becoming a home, the exorcists were just short of annihilating the vessel.

"Let _it_ go and let _me_ go," Kanda said finally facing Allen. It had only taken _ten_ hours for Kanda to admit there was an "it" that they were incessantly arguing about. The four o'clock sun shone in Kanda's eye, he felt like punching Allen.

"Ha! No, Kanda, it's okay. I really appreciate-" Kanda's hand seized Allen's throat.

"I think you're deaf. You shouldn't be able to speak if you can't hear," Kanda said squeezing Allen's vocal tract.

"Ka..n…da…" Allen choked out. Kanda made one last squeeze and tossed Allen. Allen fell down and rubbed his throat.

"Why are you so cold? I thought last ni-" Allen was cut off again. Kanda pulled Allen up by the front of his shirt and covered his mouth with his hand. Allen took in Kanda's scent and feel of his hand touching his lips. He fell quiet and wasn't sure if this was really pain at all.

"Last night I gave you a black eye. What did you think?" Kanda asked fiercely. "Hmm? You didn't think I would; are you asking for another one?"

"Kanda!" the captain shouted. "If you can't keep your emotions out of work then I suggest you go to your quarters to calm down!"

Kanda dropped Allen and took off his jacket. He hung it up nearby and put his shirt on top of it. Burying himself in work under the hot sun would 'calm' him. Allen watched Kanda and began staring at his tattoo. Kanda went back to ignoring Allen and doing anything to keep himself from looking at him.

'The little brat. He's making this look like an abusive love affair. He needs to get a hobby,' Kanda thought angrily to himself. His hard cold face looked cool under the sun. Allen stood off in the shadows to catch his breath. There was something about his tough appearance that Allen found himself attracted to. Kanda was mysterious, dark, and secretive. Allen had found a small weakness in the man; himself. He wanted to make something of it, but Kanda denied everything. Allen needed a better plan to make Kanda accept him and what he must be feeling. Provoking him with kindness seemed to only get Allen hurt and Kanda yelled at. Maybe he had to get angry too.

Night came and Kanda had successfully avoided Allen and had done more work than anyone. His heart still felt restless though. Actually, he thought about it and realized that he hadn't even needed to try and avoid Allen. Maybe Allen had been avoiding him…Allen wasn't at dinner either. Kanda had a feeling that Allen would be in his room. He wasn't though. Kanda felt odd about that, but smirked to himself. Allen finally had stop bothering him.

Kanda was getting about ready to take off his pants to get into bed when someone knocked on his door. He turned around and opened the door with an immediate scowl over his face.

"I thought I got rid of you," Kanda said staring into Allen's eyes.

"No. And you won't. We need to talk Kanda. I'm sick of your stupid macho attitude," Allen said with determination. Kanda wanted to laugh. Allen was sticking up for himself; he liked that, even if he wasn't going to talk.

"You can't-" Allen found himself cut off.

"I can, do whatever I like," Kanda corrected him.

"No, you can't," Allen argued.

"Moyashi, are you telling me what to do?" Kanda asked with raised eyebrows.

"No, just what you shouldn't do," Allen was weakening.

"You have no say in how I do anything," Kanda assured him.

"I do if it concerns me," Allen said.

"You have nothing to do with me," Kanda said leaning against his door frame.

"You can't do that," Allen said finding himself more frustrated with Kanda every second.

"Do what? This?" Kanda closed the door on Allen.

"Hey!" Allen shouted and fought with the door knob. Kanda ignored him. Allen activated his Innocence and cut around the door knob.

Kanda activated his mugen. Allen's left arm represented a sword. The two proceeded to mutilate Kanda's room until the captain left the helm to discover his ship was being destroyed.

"Kanda! Allen! I am not an exorcist babysitter! I know you aren't adults yet, but I expected both of you to at least remain professional. Kanda's room is in ruins so it looks like you get to stay in Allen's room for the night. And you're not leaving until I come back down."

Kanda's mouth wasn't as wide open in disbelief and horror as Allen's was, but he was certainly mortified. Kanda turned his head slowly to Allen and burned holes through his head. Anger seeped out in waves.

Inside Allen's equally tiny, one-bed-room, Kanda took a seat. The door locked and Allen looked at Kanda as if it was his fault. He didn't say anything though. He sucked it up and stared at the floor, afraid to approach Kanda on his bed. Kanda stared forward through the netting in the door to the remains of his room. He then glared at the top of Allen's head.

'He got what he wanted.' Kanda thought bitterly. 'He provoked me just so he could end up next to me. This has got to stop. No one is going to take me seriously if…' Kanda looked away from Allen to the head of the bed to his left.

Allen couldn't get Kanda's body out of his mind. Allen was finding it hard not to climb on the bed and simply take control of the situation. He was shaking ever so subtly and his heart rate was giving him high blood pressure. His throat felt choked up, he couldn't speak if he wanted to. Kanda just sat on the bed, his shirt off with his tattoo spread over his muscle. Allen twisted his hands to the point of breaking them. He never felt Kanda's eyes on him; they were secured to the top of the bed frame. Allen's face was bright red with the thoughts that ran through his head. He hoped if Kanda did notice, he would just brush it off to the fight.

'I don't like this,' Kanda thought searing holes into the wall. He jerked his head to Allen. Allen had been staring at him the whole time. Allen's eyes almost popped out of his head when they met Kanda's. He quickly looked away. Kanda kept looking.

'Damnit. Moyashi likes me…like that,' Kanda thought feeling nauseated. It wasn't far from how Kanda felt and that's what got his heart pumping. There was no way that two months with someone could turn into…this. Kanda kept denying he had liked him before they had even left. Allen was too soft and annoying, the opposite of hard and serious Kanda. Opposites attracting was absurd in this case.

Kanda's entire body turned rigid as Allen came forward ten minutes later. They didn't speak to each other. Allen had been standing for a solid half hour. Kanda didn't deny him his own bed. They sat only half a foot away from each other, Kanda watched as Allen's body situated itself next to him. Suddenly, having his shirt off was uncomfortable. He knew Allen must've been thinking something. This was not about to turn into anything romantic or sexual. Kanda was more than determined. He wanted to rip up his brains for even thinking such a thing. But then he couldn't get it out of his mind. Small, soft Allen against his chest, it was Kanda's turn to be embarrassed. He hid it well enough that Allen didn't suspect anything.

Another silent half hour passed and Allen's eyes closed. He yawned and blinked to try and keep himself awake. He wanted to remember being this close to Kanda without pain or tension.

Kanda's zen was interrupted when Allen shifted beside him. Within seconds, Allen found a spot on Kanda's shoulder to take a nap. Kanda instinctively brought up his hands to shove Allen off, but stopped short as Allen's white hair fell over his bruised purple eye. Kanda's hand twitched and he set them back down in his lap. Kanda's body tensed under the boy's soft head.

'I can't believe I'm letting him do this to me…' Kanda thought, picturing what things looked like from a third person point of view. Kanda told himself that he had his mugen and his strong reputation to stop anyone from really approaching him about it. The crew would talk…the Order would never know. Kanda tore himself up for the next hour. Captain Crane finally came back down and unlocked the door.

Kanda gently lifted Allen off him and let him settle in his bed. Allen woke up to see Kanda leave the room. He smiled on the inside. His door closed and heard the loud racket of repair to Kanda's room. It seemed to take all night and Kanda was exhausted by the time he could lay down. He fell asleep instantly and proceeded to have deep dreaming sleep.

~ " _What if I had died?" Allen asked Kanda. Kanda was out of his uniform and in casual clothes of a regular 19th_ _century citizen._

" _I don't know," Kanda replied. He was sitting in a big arm chair. The scene morphed into Kanda's room at the Order. They were lying together facing away from each other. Kanda's hair was out and both of the boys were under some sheets._

" _It won't happen," Allen said._

" _This won't happen…" Kanda repeated._

" _You won't let me in," Allen said motionless._

" _I can't" Kanda tried to explain._

" _Who tells you what you can't do?" Kanda closed his eyes tightly._

" _Allen…"_

" _Don't let me go," Allen said getting up. When Kanda opened his eyes again, the scene had changed. He was in his uniform again and in a large crowd. He was standing up and his tattoo was bleeding. Kanda saw Allen sixteen feet in front of him, walking away. When Kanda tried moving, he felt weak. He began running, already out of breath. Everyone made it impossible to move and his vision became blocked. Blackness filled his mind. ~_

The dream ended and Kanda woke up two minutes later. Kanda stared at his new door. Knowing Allen was across the hall, he turned over in his cramped space. The ship swayed with the ocean and Kanda felt uneasy.

'A dream is not getting to me,' Kanda told himself getting out of bed. 'That is just stupid." Kanda didn't stay sour though, he got himself dressed and started helping out with the work on the ship. There wasn't much to do for him; he ended up just walking around in the rising sun.

"Hi Kanda," Allen said quietly coming up on deck. Kanda turned and only greeted Allen with his eyes. He was starting off the day with a calm demeanor; he was too worn out from arguing and fighting the other day.

"I think I know how we can talk," Allen said leaning against the railing.

"I don't want to talk," Kanda said.

"You'll just have to write," Allen said with a small smile. He was hopeful for his new little idea.

"What are you talking about?" Kanda asked.

"Notes," Allen said. "I'll put it in your room and we don't have to meet."

"What if you're caught?" Kanda's pessimistic view clouded Allen's bright sun of hope.

"I won't," Allen said determined.

"And when you do?"

"It'll be on me, you'll never have to go to my room," Allen explained.

"What are you going to say bean sprout?" Kanda asked. He wasn't about to agree to this "note" thing without knowing he wasn't going to be implicated in this affair.

"I'll just say I was dropping off something concerning the assignment," Allen said.

"This late in the mission?" Kanda was going through all possibilities.

"I'll say it's personal," Allen said not coming up anything more creative.

"We are not involved personally," Kanda said shooting down his idea.

"Kanda, I won't say anything," Allen tried.

"People have their own opinions and I don't need the crew to think that you and I have anything to do with each other," Kanda explained.

"I won't get caught. And I didn't think you cared about anybody's opinion," Allen commented innocently. "Besides, we do have something in common, we're both exorcists."

"Don't leave me notes," Kanda said finally.

Later that night, Kanda found a folded piece of paper under his pillow. He had turned out the light already and was reaching his hand under his pillow to get comfortable. Lighting an oil lamp, he sat up in bed and unfolded the paper.

' _Kanda,_

_ I'm going to write to you if I want to. I don't think we should have to resolve to this, but you aren't really giving me a choice. I want to tell you how grateful I am that you pulled me from the edge during the storm. And I know why you locked me up against my will. You were looking out for me after you told me that you wouldn't. The way you've been acting since then is making it obvious what you're feeling. It's okay Kanda. I won't shut you out, because I think you really need to tell me something. _

_ ~Allen' _

Kanda glared down at the note but read through it and his expression softened. He was denying his emotions; it was just what he had always done. Allen was telling him that he could talk to him and express himself without fear. He knew Allen wouldn't go blabbing to anyone if Kanda did talk to him, but Allen wasn't very good at subtle. He was worried about things becoming obvious. Continuing his harsh outward appearance would throw off any suspicions.

' _I locked you up because_ _I was worried_ _you were causing problems. If I let you try to save everyone, you would end up dying. Then I would have to get back to HQ somehow and have to suffer through this with someone else.'_ Kanda scribbled on the bottom of the paper. He felt his 'I was worried' at the beginning was blacked out sufficiently. Jamming the paper back under his pillow, he put out his light and went back to sleep.


	5. Breeding Contempt

Kanda wasn’t the only one who was going stir-crazy being out at sea for three months with nothing to show for it. The captain was shouting out orders for things that had already been done, the crew was yelling at each other and Kanda became short tempered again. Kanda snapped at Allen who was just trying to be helpful. Actually, Kanda had kept up his façade even after he had broken down and told Allen he cared for him in the letters. Allen could see Kanda clearly, but then Kanda would shroud himself in a cold blackness. Allen was feeling irrelevant and ignored. It was hurting him.

The note under Kanda’s pillow only said one thing, ‘On deck.’ Kanda didn’t like the sound of that as he repeated it quietly aloud. He trudged up stairs to find Allen waiting for him on the edge of the ship. Kanda walked over to the white haired boy and asked him, “What?”

“I’m sick of you treating me like I don’t matter to you, that I annoy you,” Allen whispered fiercely. Kanda moved closer so he could whisper and be heard also.

“That is the _only_ way I’m going to keep this up,” Kanda explained angrily.

“Why does it matter? So what if big, scary, Yuu Kanda likes Allen Walker? Who cares?” Allen asked. His face grew red.

“It matters,” Kanda said grabbing Allen’s bicep, “to me.”

“It won’t matter to anyone else,” Allen said putting his left hand on the hand gripping his arm.

“I don’t care about anyone else,” Kanda said quickly retreating his hand.

“If that was true, we could-“

“Beansprout! Don’t,” Kanda threatened. “There is no ‘we.’ So stop saying it.”

“’We’, Kanda, ‘We’. ‘Us’, ‘You and me’,” Allen went on.

“Shut up,” Kanda said.

“Kanda, just let me be with you,” Allen said taking a long strand of Kanda’s hair that was left out of his pony tail. Kanda’s throat developed a lump. He looked into Allen’s eyes.

“…no…” Kanda said looking away. Kanda heard shuffling around them. He pulled away and looked out to the sea and the moon. Allen followed him over and stood by his side.

“Don’t touch me when people can see,” Kanda said knowing someone was on deck besides them.

“I can do that,” Allen agreed knowing that Kanda was letting him at least get close in private. He was making progress and decided with enough time, he could get Kanda to be more open all together.

“There’s someone up here,” Kanda whispered.

“Just ignore him,” Allen said happy to be arm against arm on Kanda.

“We need to go back to our rooms,” Kanda said feeling uneasy. Allen ignored Kanda and listened to the wind and silence. There was no sign of anyone.

“Kanda, we’re alone,” Allen said looking back from the rest of the ship.

“You’re foolish,” Kanda said staring at the soft ocean waves.

“I’m…” Allen smiled.

“Don’t think that this means anything,” Kanda said sternly, sharply turning to Allen.

“It does though,” Allen said a little hurt.

“No, you can keep your ideas in your head,” Kanda said no wanting anything to get out of his control.

“It’ll work Kanda, we can keep things downstairs,” Allen said.

“Shut up. Don’t talk like that. Ever,” Kanda said. His feelings were still in a state of confusion. Regardless if he was secure or not, Kanda liked his private life, private. Allen was too open and Kanda would terminate the slightest communication.

“We can make this work,” Allen protested.

“I’m controlling this situation and we’re doing this how I want it done,” Kanda said leaning in a few centimeters away. He took Allen’s upper arms and pulled him close. Allen’s right arm was released and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kanda’s hand whip back to the nape of his neck. Kanda ran his fingers up into Allen’s hair and was nanoseconds away from kissing him. Their lips touched lightly, but they were interrupted.

“Hey guys,” someone whispered. Kanda’s eyes widened and Allen blushed. Kanda pushed and Allen pulled away, but subtly.

“Are you guys…talking about the captain?” the man asked. No one answered. Allen looked away and Kanda stared straight into the man’s eyes.

“I was thinking about it too, you know,” the man said nervously. “We’ve all been discussing…a mutiny.”

Both Kanda and Allen were relieved to find they weren’t ‘caught’. Did they play along now?

“Too many people will draw attention,” Kanda said not actually admitting to anything.

“Right. When should we meet?” he asked.

“I’ll come to you,” Kanda said. The man accepted with a nod. He left the two alone again. Kanda glared at Allen as if the whole incident was his fault. He left Allen at the side of the ship.

\---

Three days later, Kanda had not come to Allen or the other crew members. Only brave Allen approached the brooding exorcist.

“Rumors are spreading,” Allen said nonchalantly passing Kanda slightly.

“What?” Kanda asked calmly. Inside, his heartbeat quickened; his first thought was the kiss that almost happened. He felt stupid for pursuing his feelings.

“The crew is discussing a mutiny still,” Allen said. Kanda’s heart came back to a normal pace.

“I’ll clear it up,” Kanda said waving it off.

“You better do it soon, because Captain Crane is already angry with us,” Allen pointed out. Kanda wanted to tell Allen to deal with it if he was just going to order him around. Kanda knew he should though, Allen would divulge too much personal information.

“I’ll go right now,” Kanda said turning to leave Allen.

“This is becoming your _modus operandi_ ,” Allen said looking to the back of Kanda. Kanda turned around and kept the confused expression off his face and showed only a stone exterior.

“You think its okay to just ignore me, treat me like I’m your subordinate, treat me like I’m a _bug_ , and then walk off all high and mighty,” Allen said sticking up for himself.

“Listen, _bean sprout_ -“

“And that! My name’s Allen!” he shouted. “Just call me by my name. And acknowledge me, will you?”

“I’ll do-“

“Kanda! I’m asking you, please. Just stop being so emotionless,” Allen said keeping his eyes locked to Kanda’s.

“I’m emotionless?” Kanda asked incredibly. He could always feel this tugging in his heart for Allen; a feeling that churned his stomach in nervousness and unknown excitement. His reputation and deeper feelings were hugely conflicting. Every time he saw Allen, he wanted to strangle him for threatening the enigma of his personal life or take him to his room and really _express_ his emotions.

“You are rude and cruel to everyone,” Allen said. Kanda advanced to Allen and punched him square in the jaw.

“How’s that for cruel and emotionless?” Kanda said coldly. He couldn’t seem to control his anger and frustration when it came to Allen. The ship was not big enough to keep Kanda entertained. His attitude in life was to always keep moving on with the task at hand. Being picked for this particular mission was a waste of time. Kanda didn’t like to doubt his superiors but Komui couldn’t have chosen a more ridiculous exorcist for the mission.

Allen came reeling back with force. He attempted to tackle Kanda who had been distracted with triumph to notice. He fell, but quickly caught himself and knew things were going to get serious as it did below deck when his room got slaughtered. Both of their anti-akuma weapons activated and they began darting all around the ship. Kanda ran up the main mast and did a back flip off of it to come flying down at Allen with his mugen. Allen stopped Kanda with his arm; he flipped him around but Kanda landed on his feet. He came charging back and almost hit Allen with his sword but Allen dodged.

“Stop fighting me Kanda! You’re only making things worse for yourself,” Allen said, his activated arm limp on his side.

“I’m only trying to get you to shut up!” Kanda said knocking Allen over with a swipe of his sword. Allen crashed to his back with Kanda standing over him. Kanda smirked in success but Allen wasn’t done fighting. His arm reached forward and grabbed Kanda’s uniform coat. Allen pushed and Kanda skidded backwards from force.

“You little brat,” Kanda muttered. Suddenly, Kanda was out of sight. Allen looked around; he placed his mutated arm over his heart. It was pounding with fear and excitement. He waited with nervous anxiety; he looked up to the sky and felt the wind pick up, blowing soft hair in his face.

Kanda came as lightening from the sky. Allen was stunned momentarily, but prepared himself. Kanda did not strike from above; instead he landed ten feet in front of Allen, charged and sprinted from behind. He turned his sword quickly and smashed it across the back of Allen’s head. Allen ducked in time and simultaneously grabbed Kanda. He whirled around, his hand holding Kanda’s entire body like a doll. He put his enlarged thumbs over Kanda’s chest and glared at him in the moment of anger. He almost forgot what they were fighting about.

The mugen hung at Kanda’s side, outside of Allen’s hand. Kanda raised the sword and glared right back at Allen. He was furious being held as a toy and not a human being. For a moment he reflected, in Allen’s eyes, this was exactly how Kanda was treating him. Kanda’s mugen sliced down on Allen’s arm. He neglected to realize where Allen was holding him.

Instead of dropping to the deck and regaining composure; he plummeted straight into the current. Water flooded into his mouth, ears and nose. Struggling to pull himself to the surface, Kanda’s nose burned with rushing salt water, his eyes were closed tightly and he swallowed too much water to breath. Reaching the surface, he spit out water and felt the intense burn in his lungs. The ship as passing him by and he looked up to see Allen looking down in horror.

Kanda tried to shout something but the waves over took him without a breath. Being dragged under for the second time, he was already weak. The current spat him back up, the ship was further away now. Kanda choked and tried to breathe, but the ocean swallowed him again. The next time he came up he was floating face down. He blacked out and didn’t regain consciousness for a few hours.

“Kanda?” Allen asked attentively. Allen reached over and touched his arm gently. Kanda’s salt water incrusted hair shifted underneath him.

“Mmm,” he groaned. His eyes focused to find Allen was in a robe, his hair was sopping wet. Kanda tried to sit up, he flew into a coughing fit and bent over forward violently. Allen took hold of him with worry and stroked his bare back with a careful touch.

“Slow down,” Allen said as Kanda caught his breath.

“You jumped in after me?” Kanda asked almost stupidly.

“Of course I did,” Allen said quietly.

“I was the one who damaged your arm,” Kanda said making it apparent that he wouldn’t save anyone that hurt him.

“I pushed you into a fight over nothing,” Allen said taking all the blame.

“Someone else,” Kanda coughed, “could’ve saved me. Or not, it was my fault for drowning.”

“Kanda! You can’t control everything, it wasn’t your fault,” Allen protested. His hand was still on Kanda’s back, partly out of _selfish_ reasons. Kanda didn’t agree with this, but kept his mouth shut. Kanda shifted his eyes to Allen who gave him a small smile.

“I’m so sorry Kanda. I couldn’t believe that I really let you fall like that or that I was even….When I was holding you there, I was being spiteful. It was good to give you a taste of your own medicine,” Allen confessed.

“Don’t apologize,” Kanda said sitting up letting Allen’s hand fall off his back.

“I’m sorry,” Allen said apologizing for apologizing.

“Just stop trying to get me to fight you,” Kanda said simply.

“…I know you don’t mean that,” Allen said looking to his lap. Kanda stayed quiet. It was easier than denying something so obvious. Things were happening between Allen and himself and Kanda wasn’t going to try and refuse it any longer.

Allen took his undamaged right arm and turned to Kanda. He took that hand and brushed Kanda’s long hair out of his face. He dragged his fingers down his long jaw line and pulled Kanda’s chin towards him. The entire situation was immobilizing to Kanda, he had never been in such a personal position. Kanda didn’t react with rejection.

Allen’s lips pressed hard against Kanda’s. With his forward motion, his robe slipped softly off his shoulders. The sleeve rested in the crook of his arm. Kanda felt all the blood rush from his face and he felt sick with this intimate sensation. Allen pulled away and got off the bed. He didn’t look back to the ghostly pale Kanda. His door clicked in the silence and Kanda put his hand over hid abdomen. He swallowed hard and sat stunned.


	6. Forward

The next two following weeks, Kanda made eye contact with Allen. He wasn’t sure what to make of the kiss. Honestly, he didn’t like Allen initiating anything; it made him feel as if he was the younger one. Kanda was not submissive. More often than not, Kanda would find Allen looking at him and holding his wounded arm. Kanda would quickly look away and feel ill. It wasn’t in disgust for what he had done (he tried to tell himself), but more of an anxious feeling.

“Hi Kanda,” Allen said one day as things dragged on lazily. The two hadn’t properly spoken since the kiss. Not that they could seem to hold a conversation in the first place without arguing anyway.

“We should do something… to pass the time, don’t you think?” Allen suggested. Kanda furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Allen like he was crazy.

“Not… not that,” Allen said widening his eyes and shaking his hands back and forth. Kanda hadn’t thought about that at all, just the idea of doing anything with Allen would be ridiculous.

“Like, cards or something,” Allen said to the ever silent, scowling Kanda.

“Cards?” Kanda asked. He knew Allen was an excellent card player and cheater too. He was not about to be made into a fool.

“Yeah, no one else will play,” Allen said shooting an angry glare to the other crew members. They just smiled and laughed nervously.

“You cheat,” Kanda said turning away from Allen.

“I do not!” Allen contended.

“I know about you having to work off General Cross’ debts,” Kanda said trying to hold back a smirk. Allen sunk into himself shuddering and shifting his eyes around as if searching for an explanation.  
  
“What about ‘Go Fish’ instead of real cards?” Allen proposed desperately.

“Are you serious?” Kanda asked.

“…no…” Allen said knowing that cards was a moot point. Allen stared at Kanda’s naked torso that was always in bandages. He wanted to stand next to him, even though body heat in the blazing last week of June wasn’t really needed. Kanda stared out at the cool blue ocean, the scenery wasn’t changing anymore.

Sounds of the men playing their own games of cards and dice became background noise when Kanda felt Allen’s short body push against his hip. White knuckles appeared on his hand as he gripped the edge of the ship tightly. Close contact with Allen was something he wasn’t sure how to control.

A red mutated hand moved across Kanda’s right hand. Their bodies were so close that it blocked anyone’s view.

“This is not happening,” Kanda said with sharp hostility.

“But you’re letting it,” Allen said looking at Kanda’s profile.

“You should just back off,” Kanda said not letting go of the edge. He couldn’t believe himself. HE wasn’t punching Allen or yelling or even tearing away. His defense seemed to be diminished to harsh words, he felt unprotected.

“Then you have to let me in, or this might keep happening, “Allen threatened subtly. Kanda’s head jerked to Allen who stared straight into his eyes.

“Is that supposed to be blackmail?” Kanda questioned with disbelief.

“I’m not a lamb Kanda, I cheat at poker; remember who my master is,” Allen said tired of being treated naively. Kanda didn’t know how to feel, it was a mixture of anger, impressed, excitement and edginess. His face remained stone to be on the safe side; he was a professional at masking himself.

“Two nights. And don’t bother me until then,” Kanda agreed tying to control the situation. Allen tried to hold back a smile. He was getting to Kanda.  
  
\--

Allen was a good boy and kept to himself for two whole days. His brain was racing with scenarios about the upcoming night. He couldn’t keep his eyes off Kanda… who completely ignored him.

Kanda stayed up on deck late into the night to procrastinate and to make sure, without a doubt, that he and Allen would be the only two up. Kanda wasn’t sure how he could live with himself in the Order if anything got out.

“Kanda?” Allen asked peeking up from the stairway. For a moment, Kanda wanted to whack him on his head to make him disappear downstairs. No Allen, no uncertainty.

Kanda walked over to Allen and descended down to the lower deck. Kanda lead the way to his newly rebuilt “bedroom.” He found his way through the dark, no oil lamps or candles were going to be lit.

“Kanda, I can’t s-“ Allen found a hand over his mouth. He held onto Kanda’s outstretched arm and found himself in a cramped space. Kanda took his arm away from Allen and pushed him onto the bed. Allen scrambled to the top of it to give them more room. Kanda took on a menacing tone. As Allen’s eyes adjusted, Kanda loomed over him, pinning him and making his heart perform erratic beating.

Kanda leaned down, his left leg on the inside of Allen’s legs, his right on the outside. Kanda’s left hand was supporting his upper body, Allen’s eyes shifted and he looked at Kanda’s bracelet. He lifted his closest hand to touch the round beads gently. He twisted his fingers over and under them, staring fixedly at Kanda’s wrist. Allen’s hair brushed upwards by Kanda’s other hand. Chills ran over his entire body; Kanda seemed fascinated by Allen’s scar. After moving Allen’s hair to the side, Kanda took his long pointer finger and traced Allen’s pentacle. Allen closed his eyes and let Kanda follow his scar down his cheek.

‘We all have a burden,’ Kanda thought solemnly. He dragged his fingers down Allen’s face and over his throat to his partially unbuttoned shirt. Long fingers worked quickly down Allen’s shirt. Allen, in turn, ran his hand roughly up Kanda’s hard chest. Kanda pulled Allen’s shirt out of his pants and threw it on the floor with force. Allen was becoming a little intimidated by Kanda’s fervor.

“Kanda,” Allen began. Kanda lowered himself, folded Allen’s arm in on itself and tilted his head as he put his lips to Allen’s. Allen didn’t dispute, instead he returned with pressure. Kanda pressed his right hand up Allen’s bare side and rubbed at his clavicle. He pulled away for a moment to breath then maneuvered to straddle Allen. Allen’s hands came up and he pulled out Kanda’s ponytail. Kanda shook his hair and it covered his face. He moved and bit Allen’s lip softly, continuing to kiss him.

Allen pushed upwards into the kiss and Kanda moved with him. Only centimeters separated their shirtless bodies. Allen tried to move from under Kanda but found it more of a struggle than easy going. Kanda’s left hand tangled into Allen’s white hair and his other hand found it’s way down the fifteen year old’s body. Nobody was stopping to think about the levels of wrong.

Kanda’s hand navigated over Allen’s muscles and snuck in between Allen’s remaining pants and skin. Allen pulled his lips away from the intense kissing, closed his eyes and took in a sharp breath of anticipation. Kanda’s hand only smoothed over Allen’s hip bone. Kanda’s thumb and fingers pushed across the bone, while his lips sucked at Allen’s neck. His tongue slipped out and his mouth moved down Allen’s chest.

A violent intake of breath and Allen opened his eyes. One hand moved to Kanda’s left shoulder to give himself support as the other reached to the nape of his neck taking his fingers up through the long dark blue hair. His fingers stopped, full of hair and gripped tightly to brace himself.

Stopping only inches above Allen’s pants, Kanda took his hand from Allen’s head and retraced it down to the border of pants and started unbuttoning them. The forceful hand tugged down at the pants, both layers. Kanda placed his lips just above…. Allen was holding himself together by pushing and grabbing Kanda. Kanda licked at Allen’s abdomen three below his belly button and pulled himself up. Allen’s stomach churned and his heart dropped from a cliff.

“No, no, what did I-?” Allen was worried he had done something, or not done something. Kanda sat atop Allen’s legs with a dark smirk on his face. He placed both his hands on Allen’s sides and rested for a moment, relaxing his expression.

“Kanda?” Allen asked nervously. His heart was pounding in his throat now.

“Say something,” Allen urged quietly.

Kanda didn’t let himself linger on Allen’s worried face. He moved his legs to let Allen be free. His feelings were also being shaken in the moment. He was exerting his self control and showing Allen who was in charge.

“You can go now,” Kanda whispered lying down in the space between Allen and the wall. Allen was looking up at the ceiling in disbelief. He was close to falling apart; he didn’t understand. Kanda pushed at Allen to make room for himself in the ridiculously small bed. He turned over and closed his eyes in the well adjusted dark.

“You… you… Kanda!” Allen said shifting his head to arrogant the boy next to him.

“I knew you would be loud moyashi,” Kanda muttered. Allen’s mouth dropped open in horror. Even though the event that had just taken place pointed to sleeping together, Allen was stunned to think about it. And mortified at the very idea, he wouldn’t be shouting out Kanda’s name while doing… doing that!

After a few moments of being absolutely stunned, Allen jumped off the bed and huffed out of the room without a backwards glance. He was truly scared to think things could’ve gone farther in one night. There was no stopping Kanda, so it was luck on Allen’s side that he had stopped at his own volition. Allen decided he would think twice before pestering Kanda’s so relentlessly.

Kanda spread out over his bed without Allen there. He was a little on edge himself, did he really have wanted to do that? He knew half of why he stopped- two-thirds even; to protect Allen and to show control. Was he also protecting himself? Was he also scared? The act itself was nothing Kanda felt he couldn’t have done, but even detaching himself completely, the consequences might have been too big for him. He thought of Allen though, how he left under that impression… Kanda looked smug.,

The morning after, Kanda was up before the sun and before Allen. He walked up into the cool morning air and surveyed the light blue and yellow colors. A small breeze picked up Kanda’s loose hair and he pulled it up into his signature ponytail. His permanent scowl was visible even without anyone around.

‘What am I getting into…?’ Kanda thought miserably to himself. Things would only evolve if Kanda kept letting Allen blackmail him into more nights like the last. He started to associate the situation with akuma. Right now it was only beginning, like he had just called back someone from the grave. That night was a name engraved to an empty akuma skeleton.

Normally, the obvious choice would be to cut down the obstacle. Killing Allen wasn’t an option, the punishment would be more than Kanda wanted to handle. His pride and reputation were on the line though, very big factors in his personal character. Kanda cursed Allen over and over in his mind.

‘How do I get him off my back?’ Kanda wondered bitterly.

Down below deck, Allen woke up with the rising of the crew. He blushed realizing he had left his shirt in Kanda’s room. Everyone was moving around lazily; the urgency to find the island had dropped. Allen’s heart was having a small panic trying to figure out how to get to Kanda’s room without anyone noticing.

Seeing an opening, Allen ducked down and cartoonishly crawled across the floor, creaked open Kanda’s door and felt around the floor for some cloth. Grabbing a shirt, he gratefully scurried back to his room. He stood up and pulled the shirt on. He buttoned it up and thought he smelled the ocean salt and a sweet body odor from the shirt. Disregarding the smell, he walked up to the cool deck. He pulled his fingers through his hair and watched as Kanda passed in front of him. Now Kanda was more intimidating than he’d ever been.

Captain Crane called to hoist anchor and Kanda was the first to jump on it. All his muscles contracted and reached as he pulled up the ship’s weight. Allen wanted him to turn around because he wanted to see his tattoo move with his chest.

“Allen?” a crew member asked from behind the exorcist. He turned and smiled.

“Ohm, hi Michael,” Allen said brightly.

“Hi. Uhm, it’s really none of my business,” he began. Allen’s heart stopped for a moment. Had he really been too loud with those whispers? “but that isn’t your shirt, is it? It just looks sort of… big on you.” Allen looked confused for a moment. His shirt?

“Sorry, it just looked odd is all,” Michael said nervously at Allen’s expression. Allen looked down at the shirt and noticed how it sort of bunched up right around his pants and how the sleeves felt loose and baggy.

“I- I must’ve grabbed this out of the wrong pile of clothes,” Allen said realizing he looked very dumb. He started unbuttoning the shirt and walking back towards the steps. Kanda had turned his head to listen to the conversation. Allen was wearing his shirt. Kanda gritted his teeth and made his way down below promptly after Allen.

“You grabbed my shirt?” he asked flinging open Allen’s door.

“I’m sorry! I left mine in your room-“

“You might as well be wearing my named tattooed on your forehead,” Kanda said taking his shirt back from Allen. “It’s not even cold out there, you don’t need a shirt.”

“It was an accident,” Allen said thinking Kanda was overreacting.

“It won’t happen again,” Kanda said shutting the door and dropping the shirt in his room. He picked up Allen’s and walked back.

“This is yours, keep it in your room,” Kanda instructed, “and leave me alone.”

“Kandaaa, you’re just being stubborn. The world is not about to end,” Allen said exasperated with Kanda’s perpetual bad mood.

“Baka moyashi,” Kanda muttered.

“Hey! Stop calling me names. It isn’t like I was the one pinning you down and teasing you,” Allen retorted. Kanda’s face tensed and drained. His eyes would’ve shot daggers if they could’ve. His hand twitched in response to grab his Mugen.

“Don’t get mad at me for how you feel Kanda,” Allen said feeling brave knowing Kanda was vulnerable when it came to his feelings towards him.

“Shut up,” Kanda said.

‘He is fifteen, I’m eighteen, I’m also bigger and stronger than him and here he is blackmailing me and being a condescending brat like he has the right to,’ Kanda thought while glaring at Allen.

“I don’t know what General Cross did to give you that attitude or what I did to make you think you can talk to me like that, but you’re going to stop. Or your insides are going to start showing,” Kanda threatened. Allen swallowed, frustrated with the situation still, he held his tongue. His compassion kicked in and he started feeling bad for the blackmail. The comment about his master also boiled his blood and got his mind turning. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It was as if standing up for himself only got him in bigger trouble, while keeping quiet let Kanda stomp all over him like dirt.

“Tell me what I’m supposed to do,” Allen said finally.

“What?” Kanda asked. He was just about to leave the room.

“Do you really just want me to let you go? Are you even going to let me go?” Allen asked sitting on his bed. Kanda was reminded of his dream. He rested his hand on the doorknob and refused to turn around.

“I won’t come up to you anymore. Just… don’t ignore me, “Allen said bringing his head up from a hang. Kanda stood in the doorway. 


	7. Used

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!!!!! I just got married last week so things have been hectic. Enjoy the chapter!

 

Not a single crew member even bothered with a shirt in the sweltering July heat. The shirts simply turned into sopping wet masses of stained, smelly cloth. Allen, however, felt more eyes on him than usual. He was always in a sunny disposition, so the crew was friendly to him but no one had really ever seen his red, mutated arm. It deterred people away. He couldn’t believe how judgmental everyone was being. He almost felt ashamed.

Kanda looked to Allen; he could tell that Allen was trying to keep up appearances. Kanda almost wanted to stand up for Allen but his brief moment of compassion evaporated. Kanda hated people who were weak and he despised his internal struggle with his feelings for Allen.

As Allen went on trying to cheer himself up and Kanda tried to remain busy, the look-out started shouting in terror.

“Akuma! I think that’s an akuma!” he yelled with a shaky pointed finger. Allen looked that direction and in unison with Kanda’s grab for his mugen, Allen’s eye activated. He could see more than just one of them. It seemed like a little fleet was upon them.

Kanda and Allen were prepared with their activated innocence within a matter of seconds.

“Kaichu Ichigen!” Kanda shouted sending out a swarm of demon looking skulls. The akuma that weren’t instantly destroyed started shooting off their cannons. Allen stopped bullets left and right. Keeping the ship from sustaining immense damage was vital. The akuma kept high in the sky to avoid Allen’s arm. However, Allen’s arm transformed into a gun-type and both he and Kanda shot off their attacks, but silence wouldn’t come.

Kanda had darted up the mast to the crow’s nest and leapt off it. He landed on a level one akuma and stabbed it with force before leaping onto another one. Atop the second, he sent out another attack and explosions filled the sky. The eruptions occurred like a finale in a fireworks display. Allen was shooting down akuma above Kanda to protect him. Allen wasn’t protecting the crew or saving souls, he became consumed with Kanda’s safety.

The akuma tried coming in on other sides, splitting Allen’s attention.

“Exorcist!” a man shouted on deck. Kanda ignored the call for help and Allen turned his back on Kanda. He reminded himself that Kanda had gotten along by himself in worse times. Heroically, Allen decended from the crow’s nest, his arm back to his giant white claw and he swiped at the akuma shooting at the deck. The ship had already lost a mast during the storm, repairing it against would be difficult.

The attack lasted for two hours. Kanda and Allen managed to block most of the fire and save the ship. The entire fleet of level one akuma weren’t defeated though, ten or fifteen of them fell back. Both the exorcists were exhausted from the battle, they rested against each others backs under the stairs. Allen panted and put his red hand over his chest. Kanda was bent over staring at his legs, he was bleeding.

“Are you alright?” Allen asked taking a deep breath.

“Yeah,” Kanda huffed leaning his head back on Allen’s.

“We must be close,” Allen said optimistically.

“Finally,” Kanda said pushing himself up to his feet. Allen looked up and stood. He began following Kanda who wasn’t speaking.

“You’re limping,” Allen noticed.

“Che,” Kanda muttered walking forward.

“Allen, Kanda! Are you two alright? Here, here, come here,” the captain shouted beckoning the two boys over. Allen came with a smile, Kanda disregarded the applause. The crew members were dwindling. Soon they would be forced to find a bearing and turn back, even so close.

Down in Kanda’s room he rested on his little mattress pad. He took off his long boots and examined his leg. Dodging bullets he hadn’t noticed the pain that was now stinging. A long gash drew across his left leg, right over the bone. He got up off the bed and went to the small washroom at the end of the ship. Inside he took a cloth and walked to the galley.

A large pot heated water to soak the cloth in. Kanda rested on a chair and waited for the water to boil. He closed his eyes and drifted into sleep.

~

The lotus flower was glowing brighter than usual. Mugen loomed over the hovering flower. Around Mugen, a red, wrinkled hand transformed into a white claw. The sword pointed up and away from the flower, it then came down with a swift movement and sliced the hourglass in half.

~

“Kanda?” Allen asked carefully inching forward to the sleeping tiger. He didn’t stir. Allen reached out a hand and touched Kanda’s cheek, his fingers brushed across the high cheek bone. Kanda’s eyes opened and his hand clutched Allen’s wrist. Allen lowered his arm and Kanda let go.

“We’re alone,” Allen said hoping this would allow Kanda to open up.

“We are nothing,” Kanda said putting the cloth into the water next to him. He pulled it out and rolled up his pant leg. He bent down and cleaned off the dried blood. The cloth turned pink and Allen took it from Kanda. Kanda looked up to see Allen with bandages. He started wrapping his leg. Kanda stopped Allen, both hands on his. Allen’s gaze moved from the wounded leg to Kanda’s black eyes.

“I don’t understand,” Allen said pushing away and sitting on the floor.

“You never will,” Kanda said condescendingly.

“Because you won’t let me. It’s not like you’re very obvious about anything. You’re an enigma Kanda,” Allen said trying to get across his frustration.

“Drop everything about this. The bandages, memories, me; just drop it,” Kanda said tying up his leg and standing. He limped lightly passed Allen and made his way back to his room. Allen followed again; he was sick of being left behind like something broken.

“You can’t shut off the way you feel,” Allen said as Kanda entered his room to rest.

“I’m not acting on emotions,” Kanda said turning around.

“Oh? Oh you’re not. Well I missed the part where you took me into your room and put your tongue all over me,” Allen said rather loudly. Kanda turned around, covered Allen’s mouth, let go and then punched him square in the face. His lip split open and started bleeding. Allen wiped his lip and stared at Kanda.

“I hope you feel better now,” Allen said almost paralyzed to the floor.

“Shut up,” Kanda said, his heart shook. He instantly regretted hitting Allen, but thought maybe this would end things. “I only ever did that because I had nothing else to do. We’re closer to the island now, so I won’t need you to keep me occupied anymore.”

Allen took a deep breath and tears welled up in his eyes.

“I don’t believe that,” he said.

“You’re pathetic,” Kanda said turning his back on Allen again. He didn’t do this to be mean, he did it to not look at the sad mess he had made.

For three days they moved through the ocean at new speed. Finding akuma excited the men, even while lamenting their loss. Kanda and Allen didn’t talk; Allen was too hurt at the time to try. They only began speaking with each other on the fourth day with level two akuma appeared on the horizon.

“Don’t get in my way bean sprout,” Kanda warned Allen.

“My name’s Allen,” Allen corrected, almost snarling at Kanda.

“Che,” Kanda said  pulling out Mugen, readying himself.

The fight soon surpassed the first battle, Kanda and Allen’s combined efforts couldn’t protect the ship. In between the slicing and destroying of the akuma, Kanda kept yelling at Allen for being in his way and not trying hard enough.

“Don’t tell me how to fight Mr. Ponytail,” Allen said taking a stab at Kanda’s long hair.

“Learn how to and I won’t have to tell you,” Kanda yelled taking down a level two. The two never came back to back, emotions were too high. Allen was crushed by his feelings and Kanda was too stubborn.

A hole fell through the ship when an akuma began fire at Allen. A dozen other attacks obliterated the ship leaving Kanda and Allen underwater. Familiar feelings burdened Kanda, but Allen was new to it. The water covered them with enemies overhead and provided protection. Salt water stung Kanda’s eyes, he blinked and saw Allen sinking.

‘Baka,’ he thought swimming to Allen. He took Allen in his arms and looked up to the surface of the water and the current carried them to debris. Kanda lifted Allen onto a large wooden piece of shrapnel and clung to the side, exhausted. The water was warm, it felt wrong. It made Kanda sleepy, but the salt in his wounds stung fiercely and kept him awake.

Kanda rested his head on the board, facing away from Allen. The sun warmed the boys and began drying them up.

“Mm,” Allen mumbled opening his eyes. He was instantly blinded but his pupils quickly focused and he saw a head laying before him. Moving his eyes he saw a hand cling to the edge of the board.

“Kanda?” Allen asked quietly shifting his hand to Kanda’s shoulder.

“Mmmnh,” Kanda muttered waking up.

“Are you okay?” Allen asked still not moving his position.

“I’m fine,” Kanda replied not asking Allen his state of health.

“Yeah, of course you’re fine,” Allen said remembering how he felt before. Kanda began pulling through the water to the sandy, bright shore. Allen helped and they rowed in silence.

Washing up on shore, Kanda stood up and steadied himself on a lacerated legs.

“I want to help you,” Allen said knowing Kanda would ignore him. Regardless of Kanda’s pride, Allen came to aid him. Allen placed an arm around Kanda’s waist and pulled his arm around his own shoulders. Kanda had been in this position before and reluctantly accepted.

Above the shoreline, Allen put Kanda down. Kanda laid down, Allen next to him.Under the sun they fell asleep.

~

Akuma came over the sleeping boys. It wasn’t any level either of them had seen. IT was something entirely mutant with no soul.

“You can’t see,” it sounded like an old creaky door. “I will kill you know.”

Neither Allen or Kanda woke up, the akuma descended upon the human bodies. Layer by layer, skin was peeled off. The akuma took off their clothes and reached inside through their stomachs. They were in a paralyzed coma. The akuma finished them off by eating their brains and eyes with its greedy fingers. Licking the slime off its fingernails, it stole their innocence without blinking.

Kanda’s mouth opened, blood poured out and he screamed.

~

Darkness engulfed the bodies on the tropical island, the temperature barely shifted. Kanda’s whole body moved violently and he woke up sitting erect. He took a deep breath and cursed his dreams. Allen woke up feeling Kanda. He stirred and saw Kanda’s thigh, Allen reached over and touched it lightly. Kanda looked to the hand and pushed it off, Allen sat up.

“What were you dreaming about?” Allen asked rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“Nothing,” Kanda replied looking to the shoreline. His dreams were getting more frequent and he started to wonder about the underlying meaning of them. Each time he woke up disturbed and they all had something to do with Allen.

Kanda stood up and began trudging towards the jungle.

“What are you doing? Your legs are cut up and you’re going to walk around in the jungle by yourself?” Allen asked springing up.

“Yes,” Kanda replied ignoring the sting in his legs. “There’s cover inside the jungle.” He gritted his teeth and kept walking.

“No one will find us in the jungle!” Allen shouted thinking it was best to be rescued in plain sight rather than being missed and stranded for years to come.

“I’m not looking to be found,” Kanda said crossing into the trees. Allen gave up, he would find him in the morning when he could actually see. It was dangerous and unnerving for Allen to let Kanda go, but he knew of the eighteen year old’s incredible recovery rate.

Kanda walked through the jungle as far as he could until night fall. When it was too dark to really make his way through the trees without stubbing a toe, he found a small clearing that a river had cut through. Taking the opportunity Kanda collected wood and built up a small fire. Light and warmth radiated a small distance around the fire causing a certain surrounding of orange light.

Stripping off the salt water encrusted clothes; Kanda washed himself and them in the fresh water of the river. It may not have been the cleanest but it felt good to Kanda to have the salt deposits run off his body.

Pulling out his hair, a dark blue mass fell with a bump in it. Kanda ran his fingers through it and then bent down in the water and without tipping over, precariously soaked his head. Wet hair slapped his back as he lifted his head and stood up. Suddenly a girl was in front of him, behind his fire. Kanda stood uncovered, his eyes searching for visible signs of her erupting into an akuma.

She said something unintelligible.

“English,” Kanda said hoping that might mean something to her. She started going off on him, almost in a panic. Her tan skin glowing against the fire.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Kanda said distantly grabbing for his clothes. She came at him screaming at the top of her lungs like a wild animal. Kanda was taken down by pure surprise. Her hand gripped his hair as if she was in control but her fearful eyes betrayed her.

Kanda pushed the girl up but she held tight and pulled his hair. He yelled at the sharp pain and rolled over on her. A blue curtain fell over the sides of her face, a quaking smile spread over her face. She uttered one more word and as Kanda tried to make an understanding of it, Allen came into view from the clearing.

“K-Kanda?” Allen half shouted and choked. Kanda’s head whipped up and he glared at Allen. HE quickly got off the girl and started pulling on his clothes.

“Why are you here?” Kanda asked tugging up his pants. He was covered in dirt and leaves again, back into sopping wet clothes and caught in a compromising position.

“I-I heard a scream,” Allen’s eyes were still wide. The native girl got up and walked over to Kanda. Her smile was wide now, she was full of pride.

“She’s fine,” Kanda said looking at the beaming girl.

“Who is she?” Allen asked composing himself.

“I don’t know,” Kanda said uninterested.

“What’s your name?” Allen asked the half dressed woman. She was confused and looked to Kanda. Allen turned his attention too.

“What do you want me to do?” Kanda asked angrily.

“Nevermind,” Allen said approaching the woman. Allen began asking her questions and waiting patiently for responses. Kanda got back into the river and trusted Allen to occupy his eyes with the girl in front of him.

The dirt and leaves washed away downstream and Kanda was left to ask Allen for dry clothes.

“Give me your jacket,” Kanda demanded. Allen’s attention was averted from the girl straight to Kanda. His face flushed within a matter of seconds. His eyes couldn’t help but stare at the perfectly carved body and he found himself awestruck.

“MOYASHI!” Kanda shouted now feeling exposed to Allen’s perverted fantasies. Allen quickly tore off his jacket and handed it to Kanda while looking away. Embarrassed, Kanda yanked the jacket out of Allen’s hands and walked to the edge of the river to sit on a flat rock. Allen backed off and shuffled over to the girl again.

Kanda rested his head against a tree and found himself asleep after the exhausting day. Allen’s jacket draped loosely over Kanda’s lap, his hands rested on top. Deep sleep gripped his mind and dreams became buried.

“Kanda, she left,” Allen said touching Kanda’s shoulder. The bare hand on his skin woke him up and Allen quickly retracted his hand.

“Your clothes are dry,” Allen said handing Kanda an armful of folded clothes. Kanda took the clothes without force and gave Allen his jacket back. Once dressed again, Kanda stood up and walked to the fire and began staring into it.

“I think we should follow her,” Allen said across the fire.

“She can take care of herself,” Kanda said trying to refocus on the mission.

“I think she was afraid, she kept looking at you before she ran off,” Allen said looking in the direction the girl left.

“You can go chase her,” Kanda suggested straightening his jacket and savoring the warmth.

“She probably came from a village Kanda, we should go find her,” Allen said strongly.

“Let’s go then,” Kanda agreed realizing a village would be more useful than sitting in a clearing. Allen was a little confused because he didn’t have to argue anymore to make his point. He led the way through the dark, pulling leaves and branches out of his face. A large one smacked Kanda in his stomach. He stopped walking and glared after Allen’s short figure.

‘Moyaaashi,’ Kanda’s thoughts growled. He broke the branch and kept moving forward.

“Do you know here you’re going?” Kanda asked after ten minutes. The darkness wasn’t getting and clearer with exposure. Allen hesitated.

“…no…” he muttered. Kanda’s eyes settled into his natural expression of bordem, seriousness and distaste. Allen turned around.

“I only lost it a few minutes ago. I’m sure we can find it again,” Allen said optimistically.

“We?” Kanda asked.

“Me,” Allen grumbled. “You’re no help at all.”

Kanda ignored him. They turned around and Allen looked at the ground trying to decipher exactly where he’d gotten lost. Something shifted in the bushes and Allen and Kanda drew their attention towards it. Before they activated their innocence the native girl crawled out of the foliage and clung to Kanda’s leg. She was whispering something feverishly. Kanda stepped back and Allen dropped down to his knees concerned.

“Are you okay? What is it?” Allen asked touching her shoulder. She turned to him and pulled at his shirt. She told him what was going on, except he couldn’t understand her at all.

“Just calm down,” he said stroking her shoulder.

  
“Get her off my leg,” Kanda demanded concentrating on the darkness in front of him. A distorted male voice whispered through the jungle.

“Akuma,” Kanda said, his leg free. Allen stood up and blocked the girl. The invoked their innocence as a level two akuma appeared with an open moth lined with numerous teeth. It didn’t have time to tease the exorcists; Kanda and Allen both took it down within a matter of seconds. Kanda’s mugen and Allen’s left arm were unstoppable lethal weapons when paired together in synchronization. 

The girl crawled over to the boys and bowed over and over repeatedly. Allen bent down and tried to lift the off the ground.

“Please don’t do that. It’s our job,” Allen said picking her up. She kept saying what Allen thought was ‘thank you’. She then held out her hand to motion for them to follow. Allen pulled on Kanda’s hand to get him moving from his firm stance. Kanda caught up, drew his hand from Allen’s and followed along voluntarily.

An orange glow started leaking through the leaves and branches and soon a village came into sight. Only tents of animal skin showed shelter for the native people. A couple fires and some other village people proved this was the girl’s camp. She led them down a hill and they descended into the foreign site.

She introduced them in her tongue and soon they were being praised. Kanda stayed stiff and aloof while Allen grew friendly and open. Staring off into the jungle beyond Kanda was nudged. He looked to see Allen holding a pile of tanned animal skins in his arms.

“They’re done?” Kanda asked noticing they had been left. Eyes still lingered far away, but they weren’t being bombarded anymore.

“Yes. As far as I can tell, they want us to change before we eat,” Allen said looking from Kanda to a vacant tent.

“I’m fine in my own clothes,” Kanda said stubbornly.

  
“Can you just humor them? It’s been a long day,” Allen said ready to eat and sleep. Kanda followed Allen to the tent. Once inside, Kanda sat in the corner, three feet away from Allen in the middle. Allen took the top animal hides and unfolded what seemed to be no more than a loin cloth. His face went pink.

“Just humor them,” Kanda looked smug. Allen threw the loin cloth at him and picked up a pair of long animal skin pants. They were clearly for Kanda. Allen glowered at the thought of him in a loin cloth, it was embarrassing and slightly degrading, He was never one to belittle anybodies customs or traditions, but he was paler than a ghost and so naked in front of a dressed Kanda was a humiliating thought.

“Look, I’m not changing. Just drown in the pants. I don’t want to see your lily white ass anyway,” Kanda said content in his own clothes. The prospect of taking off his uniform was unthinkable.

“Thanks,” Allen said relieved. He started to take off his uniform and noticed Kanda’s haze on the adjacent side of the tent. Cold and disconnected as always. The situation wasn’t any less awkward though. Allen vividly remembered the feelings he had when Kanda had almost taken hold of him on the ship. What was he supposed to do with that? Fortunately, Kanda had gotten uncomfortable and left to stand outside. Allen sighed in a second relief and changed quickly. He came out with his dirty clothes and the village of about twenty people appeared, ready to celebrate the defeat of the akuma.

Allen bravely went to the original native girl and smiled. She took him to the center fire pit and everyone sat down to eat. The chieftain invited Kanda over. Secretly hungry, Kanda agreed. Receiving his bowl of cooked meet, Kanda picked it up hesitantly with his fingers. Allen had already devoured the whole thing without blinking.

  
“It’s good,” Allen said grinning and licking his fingers. “It’s like some sort of pork.”  


Kanda smelled it and didn’t recognize the mangled parts. He didn’t want to skip food though, so he placed a small portion in his mouth and chewed. It was overcooked, whatever it was. He swallowed and proceeded to eat the rest of the meat. Once everyone finished the chief announced something and people all broke out in dance around the fire with portable instruments. Kanda sat some way across from Allen and watched his profile in the fire light. He was enjoying himself. Kanda felt the ice on his drip a little. His mind wandered from the mission; Allen could be so obtrusively annoying.

After the dancing, singing, laughing and incomprehensible blather, the chief placed a skull on a rod and lodged it in front of Kanda and Allen’s hut. This made them both worry.

“What do you suppose that means?” Allen laughed nervously to Kanda.

“That someone died,” Kanda figured.

“But it’s in front of our tent,” Allen pointed out. The native girl kissed the skull, wiped her tears and hugged the chief. The chief let the girl go and motioned for Allen and Kanda to come forward. They came and the chief held up two fingers. Neither of the boys recognized the sign but entered their tent with smiling peaceful faces around them.

The fire lit up their silhouettes inside the tent and they sat quietly wondering about the days events.

“I think maybe they could help us find the innocence,” Allen said moving around to get more comfortable.

“Why?” Kanda asked taking off his uniform jacket.

“They’ve been on this island longer than us. They might know something Kanda,” Allen said hugging his knees.

“You’ve figured out how to talk to them?” Kanda asked throwing his jacket over his shoulders and laid down.

“No. But you and I some how move along without communicating properly,” Allen grumbled bitterly.

“There’s nothing to communicate,” Kanda said to the dirt. Allen shot him a crusty glare.

“Stop staring at me moyashi,” Kanda said feeling Allen’s eyes on his back.

“Gah! Why are you such a jerk Kanda?” Allen asked throwing a small rock at his head. Kanda twitched and sat up. “Contrary to your delusions of grandeur, the world does _not_ revolve around you. You can’t just use me at your disposal. 

“I’m not going to have the same damn fight again,” Kanda said getting sick with the repetition.

“Then stop giving me a reason to bring it up. If it stopped happening, I wouldn’t have to argue my side,” Allen growled.

“You think I’m ‘ignoring’ you and ‘not treating you well’. You can take those feelings and go cry in a corner. We are on a mission. I’m not in charge of your fragile emotions,” Kanda said trying to set everything straight. In all honesty, he couldn’t forget the kisses they had snuck and the night that Kanda had stopped them from advancing their relationship. It wasn’t solely boredom that propelled his actions and emotions. A long time had been coming for this to surface. At first, Kanda really had a distaste for Allen, it evolved to tolerance, to respect, to admirations and morphed into actually liking him. To protect his reputation, he could not only _not_ like Allen, he couldn’t like anyone. At least, not to the point it was a weakness.

“Screw you,” Allen said flatly. Kanda stared at Allen in disbelief. Allen was pissed enough to give up. Kanda’s emotions took hold and denial shifted to anger. Not anger out of irritation or rage, but fear. The fear was losing Allen. He didn’t know if he wanted distance or intimacy. The contradictory thought process he went through led him to express himself in the most confusing ways.

Kanda pushed Allen down; his back began digging into the dirt.

“Get off,” Allen said turning his head to the side. Kanda had him pinned, his hands pressed hard against Allen’s shoulders.

“Get off Kanda!” Allen said turning to face  him furiously. Kanda leaned down and kissed Allen, pulling back biting on his bottom lip.

“Make up your mind,” Allen sighed.

“Shh,” Kanda said dragging his hand softly to Allen’s lips.

“No,” Allen said under Kanda’s fingers. “Talk to me.” Kanda grunted and let go. He sat up and glared at the ten opening.

“You don’t get to use me,” Allen said sitting up with him.

“Do you want to do this moyashi?” Kanda asked.

“I do. But you seem to forget I have feelings,” Allen said looking to Kanda’s hair.

“Stop acting like a girl,” Kanda said.

“A girl? I’m not allowed to feel hurt and pushed around?” Allen asked leaning forward.

“It shouldn’t bother you.”

“Because it doesn’t bother _you_? When I told you to get off just now, I saw you go through emotions. You aren’t a robot Kanda,” Allen said. Kanda didn’t say anything which proved Allen right.

“I’m not trying to be ‘holier than thou’, I just think if you could respect me, that would be a good start,” Allen said brushing Kanda’s hair out of his face. Kanda turned his head to the younger boy. He knew he had been a complete asshole. Kanda nodded in agreement. Allen gave him a kiss. He touched his jaw and pulled his chin close. Kanda tilted his own head and moved his body to face Allen.

They began making out, Kanda’s hands felt all over Allen’s already half naked body and Allen returned the touches with his own hands that peeled off Kanda’s outfit. Shirtless again, the two boys fell to the ground, dirt rubbing each other’s backs raw. They were a quiet as possible, Allen stifled his moans by biting his lip.

“I’ve not done anything yet,” Kanda said feeling Allen in his hand. He kneeled at Allen’s firmly planted feet. Allen was on his back, his legs bent, feet on the ground. Kanda had a hold of him and he bit his lip to make it bleed. His back arched, Kanda smirked, his other hand becoming involved now. Allen dug his fingernails into the dirt and contorted his head to keep from talking. After Allen was fully extended, Kanda dragged his fingers up Allen’s abdomen to his chest and he leaned down.

“Your turn,” he whispered greedily after kissing him softly. Allen moved his face to Kanda and leaned up to kiss him again. His dark side appeared. Allen pushed Kanda up to his knees again and he got to his own knees as well. They kissed with passion; Allen’s hands over Kanda’s carved body and Kanda’s wrapped into Allen’s hair.

Allen pulled back and then leaned down to kiss Kanda’s collar bone and he followed with a trail of sucking and kissing down the muscular body. Allen reached Kanda’s lower half with excitement. He began kissing it, feeling Kanda push his hand over Allen’s shoulder blades. Allen played and teased a little more with his fingers and lips until he was ready. Coming up from below, Allen seemed older. Kanda received another kiss and a whisper in his ear; a request from Allen.

“No,” Kanda answered pulling away. He grabbed his clothes and dressed as Allen felt the moment shatter.

“Why?” he asked, still naked, kneeling and confused. Kanda pulled his jacket over himself like a blanket. He pretended to sleep. Allen felt his stomach churning uneasily, what was Kanda playing at? Allen thought maybe he was too young for Kanda, that’s why he kept stopping right before digging himself an irreparable hole. Allen argued that he was beyond his years though; Cross had taught him more than he’d ever like to know. There was nothing left for Allen to do short of shaking Kanda to get him to open his eyes. It wasn’t as If force would do any good, it would only screw their entire relationship sideways. Allen took his new clothes and scooted to the other side of the tent, six feet away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse the weird spacing. I tried to fix it but Rich Text was being a butt.


	8. Run Away

A few days had gone by for rest and recovery and both exorcists had resumed wearing their normal clothes. The coats hadn't been constructed for such humid temperatures but Kanda refused to become exposed and vulnerable around a bunch of people he couldn't even understand. Allen didn't want to frighten anyone with his angry looking red arm either.

Kanda watched Allen trying to figure out where the akuma were from. He was speaking to the villagers with exaggerated hand gestures looking foolish as ever. Most of the people he talked to assumed he was telling an elaborate story of a time he defeated a great monster. Kanda couldn't help but smirk when Allen failed to get his point across.

"Moyashi," Kanda said walking up behind Allen. Allen jumped; thoroughly engrossed in his description of the Earl he didn't realize Kanda was behind him. Kanda glared.

"It's Allen! And don't sneak up on me like that BaKanda!" Allen said holding his hand over his heart.

"Che," Kanda replied. The villagers behind Allen scattered, no one enjoyed being in Kanda's presence.

"What is it?" Allen asked.

"We need to start moving. These people obviously aren't going to help us," Kanda said watching a young boy imitating Allen's huge arm movements.

"It's only been two days Kanda. I'm sure I'm just missing something, it's just difficult when they think I'm a big puppet," Allen grumbled.

"Well I'm leaving," Kanda said and turned on his heel.

"Kanda!" Allen shouted. He sped up and blocked Kanda from walking further.

"We have a shelter and food here, and there has to be a clue. You don't know what else is out there," Allen said concerned.

"Exactly. We are wasting all our time here. There is most likely Innocence further into the jungle," Kanda said matter-of-factly. Allen shifted his feet and looked around. "And what ever we've been eating here tastes like rotten pig. It's disgusting."

"One more night. I promise if I can't get any further with the villagers we'll BOTH move on and head into the jungle," Allen said trying to get Kanda to compromise. Kanda glared down at Allen and sighed.

A cry rang out through tents. Kanda and Allen made their way to the source quickly; a little girl was wailing and throwing her fists into the ground. They both saw a lifeless body of an elderly woman lying on a pallet of wood. A woman came rushing in and pushed between Kanda and Allen. She went over to the child and scooped her up into her arms quickly. She patted her back and whispered something soothing over and over. Allen bent down to look at the body while Kanda scowled at the upset pair.

"Look at this," Allen said lifting up the limp arm carefully. Kanda walked to the dead body and towered over Allen. He noted red lines marked on the arm and exposed legs.

"Pull up her top," Kanda instructed Allen. Allen looked at him horrorstruck but when he received a cold look he turned his head back to the body and did as Kanda instructed. They both saw red lines marked across the torso as well. Allen's hand was suddenly smacked and he looked up to see it was the woman comforting the child. Allen felt embarrassed and tried to apologize by bowing repeatedly but the woman shooed them out of the hut.

"What were those markings?" Allen asked.

"It was paint..." Kanda said thinking.

The woman and the child appeared outside of the tent and some men walked in holding huge carved and jagged knifes that looked like crude saws.

"They are going to cut her up," Kanda concluded.

"WHAT?" Allen asked his eyes wide with shock. "Wh-wha...why would they do that?!"

"I knew the meat tasted bad," Kanda cringed.

"Ka...Ka... Kand...da?" Allen shuttered. He began hoping up and down and wiping off his tongue. "Pew pew pew pew."

"We have to stop them!" Allen said beginning to rush towards the tent. Kanda reached out an arm and stopped Allen with his hand on his shoulder. Allen's feet were still going beneath him as Kanda dragged him back.

"This is their culture, not ours," Kanda said coolly. "And she's already dead."

"But why are they eating them?" Allen asked desperately.

"How should I know? Do you still want to stay here another night?" Kanda asked.

"...no."

Kanda and Allen went back to the tent they temporarily inhabited. Allen had stock piled some smoked fish and local fruits in the corner and began to pack them into a small leather bag he'd been gifted. When he stepped outside the tent he noticed an elderly man using a stick to draw in the sand in front of a group of children. Allen thought he recognized something and walked over. Kanda reluctantly followed ready to redirect Allen if he lingered.

"It's an akuma," Allen said pointing at the round shape with a sad face and cylinders sticking out all over its body. The old man drew little stick figures being blasted away. He was explaining something to them and they recoiled in shock and one or two began to cry. Allen watched as the old man said something that seemed to be comforting to the child as he motioned eating.

"Baka," Kanda said walking away from the circle. Allen followed to his side.

"It's not stupid; they probably think that if you eat the person they can't be called back. They obviously don't know quite how it works, but it looks like they're teaching the children to not be sad about the deaths so that they don't summon the Earl," Allen said. "It's actually really smart. Most of the world doesn't even know which is why he's been able to grow his tragic army."

They walked to the edge of the village when the girl they'd run into before came running up to them. She shook her head vigorously at them and was shouting something. Others looked up and came over to them. Allen was trying to calm her down and speak to her while Kanda folded his arms, he hated being held up on a mission.

"I'm sorry, we have to go," he gestured with his thumb to the jungle. She wailed and shook her head. Another native made big 'boom'ing sounds and his hands kept springing open like explosions. Allen tried in vain to explain they could take care of themselves.

"Show them your arm," Kanda said. Allen looked to him doubtfully.

"Really?"

"Activate your Innocence," Kanda said. 'Hopefully you'll scare them away and we can go,' he thought nastily. Allen took off his glove and activated his Innocence. His arm grew big and white with enormous claws. Everyone shouted and screamed backing away in panic. Allen laid his hand open to show he wasn't going to hurt them, but the transformation and glowing green light emitting from his shoulder was doing nothing to reassure them.

"Kanda!" Allen yelled as all the villagers ran to their huts. Kanda smirked and turned to continue their journey into the jungle. Allen returned his arm to normal and punched Kanda in the shoulder.

"You jerk!" Allen said. They had gone no more than five paces towards the edge of the jungle when they turned their heads to the sound of something rushing towards them. All the male villagers were charging at them with weapons. Kanda unsheathed Mugen quickly but Allen tossed his hands up and waved them in Kanda's face.

"Kanda don't! You'll shred them apart," Allen said while jumping up and down to block Kanda who stood still.

"I know," he said.

"Let's just get out of here, don't fight them," Allen begged. Kanda stood his ground, unflinching.

"Arrrrgh, Kanda please! They are just scared, you don't have to hurt them or totally dismantle their only weapons." Allen kept hopping around Kanda in front, to the side, behind, overhead to just try and get him out of his dead set stare. Allen finally just pulled on Kanda's arm and began running away.

"Moyahsi!" Kanda shouted at the boy dragging him away from a fight.

"I'm sure we can find akuma to fight later, leave them alone!" Allen said when suddenly Kanda planted his feet firmly on the soft dirt. Allen went flying backwards and scrambled to stand up.

"I don't run away from a battle," Kanda said solid as ever. He stepped over Allen.

"It'll be a slaughter Kanda!" Allen said seriously. They heard the shouts of the village men but no more trampling footsteps. Kanda kept walking forward slowly when he realized they had stopped at the edge of the jungle clearing. He sheathed Mugen and turned back around to head deeper into the thick gnarly trees.

"You're ruthless," Allen said picking up behind Kanda. The smell of pungent, earthy soil filled their nostrils while worms and other manner of bugs squished out from under their boots. Kanda stayed silent feeling a bit lighthearted to be on the move instead of doing research in the village. That was a Finder's job, not something he, with his horrid lack of people skills, was meant to do. They swiftly traveled through the curvy jungle. Wild birds cried overhead and big leaves and ferns rustled with animals darting in and out. Allen was captivated by the wildlife, trying to enjoy it since Kanda was clearly leading the way.... to somewhere.

"We've been wandering for hours Kanda," Allen pointed out when they had reached exactly nowhere.

"You want to stop walking? I thought I heard you say something in your sleep about 'never stop walking'," Kanda said still pressing on. Allen's face flushed.

"I talk in my sleep?" he said mildly concerned.

"Sometimes. I've heard you say my name before." Allen turned the bright shade of ripe watermelon.

"Just your name?" Allen prayed.

"You generally moan along with it," Kanda kept a snicker buried in his throat.

"Well maybe if you weren't so..." Allen trailed off muttering to himself. Kanda had a feeling he knew what Allen dreamed of to some vague extent. He wanted to ask him and really know, but he was worried it would turn the tables on him. He did not want to explore the dreams he had. Even thinking of them in passing like this he grew silent and grumpy again.

Allen felt his eye change suddenly.

"Akuma," Allen warned. Kanda was already unsheathing Mugen when an armored level three jumped down in front of them.

"You two look different than the others. Fancy coats you have, nicer than the tan ones I took off the others a few months ago," the deep mechanical voice taunted. "I bet you'll burn quickly."

It flew up into the air and tried to dash straight down for Allen, his fists aflame, but Allen was ready. He slashed at it with his huge activated arm, but the level three darted out of the way. Kanda jumped up to slice the body in half but it moved again and shot flames in Kanda's direction. Kanda expertly dodged them and Allen took the opportunity to transform his innocence into a gun type and began firing at the akuma. It was much faster than a level two.

The level three began to laugh but was flying further away up into the air to escape them. It was sending huge flaming balls down behind Kanda and Allen. They were easy enough to escape, even when the attacks came faster, bigger and incessantly.

"He's purposely just getting right behind us!" Allen noticed. Kanda didn't want to play around anymore and decided that taking a flying leap from the trees would get him closer to the damned akuma. He hit the akuma which didn't slice it clean in half, but sent it sailing down, crashing into the jungle with its arms sending out lasers of blazing fire. When it hit the ground it was wounded enough that it made it simple for Kanda to finish his attack and end the akuma's destruction. Allen caught up, his coat was singed at the ends but he was relatively unharmed. He and Kanda looked back where they had come from; the flames were climbing and spreading.

"We have to keep going," Allen said hurriedly. There was no way to fight the growing flames, they'd have to outrun them. They took off rushing through the trees flying in between trunks and bushes, darting quickly around, always forward. They came up to a wide, splashing river. Rocks jutted out in curious ways, rough and cumbersome. Kanda took an elegant leap a top the rocks to avoid the river while Allen followed suit. They kept up their speed for a while until light began to show through the thinning canopy.

"I hope the village doesn't catch the flames," Allen said worried as they slowed down. Kanda didn't reply, he knew his general lack of caring would not be received well with Allen and he didn't feel like it was the most pressing matter at the time.

"What is this?" Kanda said as they reached a huge stone wall. Allen reached out a hand to feel the wall and looked up at the expanse above his head.

"Let's go around," Allen suggested. He stepped away and headed left but realized Kanda was not following him. He looked back and saw Kanda had headed right.

"Why can't you ever follow my lead?" Allen asked exasperated.

"Che," Kanda said feeling smug with his effortless way of irritating the bean sprout.

They walked in a wide circle around the stone wall before they found a door which would have been reached a lot sooner if Kanda had followed Allen.

"Sometimes it wouldn't kill you to trust me," Allen said pushing the big wooden doors. They didn't budge even when Allen leaned all his weight into it. "Will you help me Kanda?" he asked looking back to see Kanda was gone.  Within a flash a thick heavy chain came sailing down six feet above Allen's head. Allen darted out of the way and scowled at Kanda who sheathed Mugen and pushed open the door with ease.

In front of them laid a large, empty town. It resembled a regular 19th century town, with shops and signs in English. They cautiously walked forward peeking into the abandoned, dusty shops. The town smelled of rancid meat and the air was stale. It was if the wall kept the jungle smells from penetrating.

"Why can we smell that? Shouldn't any meat from here be dried up by now?" Allen asked sniffing the air to follow his nose.

"Maybe it's not as abandoned as it looks," Kanda suggested. Allen shivered at the thought.  "Maybe more cannibals."

"Or, or it's something else," Allen pathetically tried. While the villagers earlier had accepted them with hospitality, he didn't think anyone within this stone fortress would be as friendly, especially since they just broke in and set part of the island on fire.

While Allen cautiously peeked into the ghostly buildings, Kanda seemed to know straight where he was headed. He was sick of wasting any more time with this already extensive mission. He was searching to put an end date on it fast. He followed his nose to the rancid meat to find a clue as to what was going on. Once Allen took notice he backed away slowly from the moldy substance he found and darted over to the perpetually crusty looking Kanda.

Kanda found a tall building of plaster and stone, roof well intact and the overall appearance was less decrepit than its counterparts. Kanda pushed the door open with one hand to reveal a small kitchen with a wood burning stove and dirty dishes sitting on the table. Allen had of course gone the other direction when Kanda opened the door and he discovered smoldering embers in a hearth.

"Kanda," Allen echoed through the house. He poked the embers with a nearby fireplace iron and heard Kanda's footsteps fall behind him.

"Someone is here now, or just was," Allen said standing up from his crouching position. Kanda had not walked over to Allen though; he had made his way quickly upstairs coming to that conclusion on his own. Allen chased up after him, ready for akuma or a human.

"Nothing," Kanda said after he and Allen scoured the buildings cabinets, loose floorboards, curtains and cupboards.

"They must have left," Allen said looking out the bedroom window for anything that might suggest the path. Kanda had grown weary of their search; it was a Finders job to do this type of leg work. He sat down on one of the small twin sized beds and it sank ever slightly below his lean muscle weight. Allen stared at him dumbfounded.

"What are you doing? We need to follow that person," Allen said walking up to Kanda on the bed.

"We don't know where 'it' went. I'm staying here to stake out the building until it comes back," Kanda said. Allen sighed but Kanda made a good point, they had no idea if it had left hours or moments ago. It would most likely return if it thought the place was still its safe haven.

Allen's stomach rumbled. He looked down at it and furrowed his eyebrows. He hadn't had a meal since the night before and he'd just recently expended a lot of energy. During their flight to escape the flames, the leather backpack Allen was keeping food in, had disappeared and was probably gobbled up by the fire. Kanda side eyed him when he heard the growl of his stomach, but had to admit he was a bit hungry as well.

"Let's go find something to eat and come back," Allen said cheerfully. He reached out a hand to pull Kanda up off the bed. Kanda glared at it and looked up at Allen's bright eyes.

"I'm sure Cross made you forage before. How about you go find lunch and I'll stay watch," Kanda said narrowing his eyes mischievously. Allen was instantly trigged to a time when he did in fact have to hunt for food and found himself almost dead. But that was three years ago, he'd learned by now.   He gritted his teeth and fumed at Kanda but didn't argue because he knew Kanda would probably be insufficient for this type of job anyway. Allen stomped out of the room and out the front door to explore the nearby jungle area for wild animals or fruits.

While Kanda waited patiently for Allen's return, he crossed his legs on the bed and began to meditate. They had finally made so much progress in the mission, as far as finding the damned island and seeing more akuma, but it wasn't enough. Other than the island itself, nothing else seemed to be acting strange due to Innocence. Locating where it was would be a challenge, especially without a map, provisions or a clue. Kanda was counting on something to return to the house they found and lead them to where they needed to be. He was feeling stir-crazy on such an endless mission. But that level three had been pushing them this direction. It had been shooting fire behind them, intentionally missing them but propelling them forward to here. But why? Level threes could be trickier than levels twos, but they hardly worked on their own to formulate schemes outside of battle. Of course the Millennium Earl or a Noah could become elaborate little plotters, the people behind the scenes to conduct their filthy akumas. Kanda's senses heightened at this thought, his ears became very attuned while his fingers twitched to be ready to unsheathe Mugen.

Hours began to pass and Kanda was becoming restless even while meditating. He had waited long enough for Allen to return and now he was becoming ever so slightly worried about the damned beansprout. He got gracefully off the bed and swished his cloak around and down the staircase to the front door. He looked around the surrounding buildings and saw no signs of Allen. The sun seemed more intense than it had hours ago, it was surely high noon by now.

"Moyashi!" Kanda shouted walking towards the town's massive entrance. Rapidly a short, black and white blur raced towards him. He pulled out Mugen and then realized it was Allen who was rushing towards him. Kanda put Mugen back and then was tackled by Allen who flung his arms around his waist, skittered around and climbed up Kanda's back holding on to his head for support.

"K-Kanda!" Allen said throwing his pointer finger in front of Kanda's face. Kanda removed Allen's normal hand from covering his eye and saw what Allen was pointing at. A massive boar was pounding the ground, almost galloping towards them. Allen had grabbed Mugen from Kanda's side and was slicing aimlessly at the ground to scare the boar off. Kanda attempted to throw Allen off but the kid had his legs scissored with all his might across Kanda's chest. As Kanda tried to fight of Allen, he grabbed Mugen from him and dodged a close call as the boar paid no never mind to the comical boys swinging around in front of him.

"Get OFF moyahshi!" Kanda was shouting trying to peeling Allen off of his head while he simultaneously stabbed at the boar. Allen didn't make things any better by grabbing Kanda's ponytail while Kanda tried to fling him off. The hair tie came out and Allen slipped backwards in a rush, but his legs still hung tight to Kanda like a jacket tied around the waist. However, even with his hair in his face, a scared beansprout and a board grunting and heading towards him, Kanda was able to slice the boar in time. It came to a gurgling halt and Kanda reached behind his back, grabbed Allen's arms and flew him over his head. Allen crashed onto his back looking dazed. Kanda picked up the boar and headed back to their temporary shelter.

Allen picked himself up and came rushing up to Kanda's side. He grimaced at the dead animal hanging over Kanda's back, but then stuck out a tongue at it. Kanda side eyed him and Allen straightened up and laughed light heartedly.

"I was picking some berries I found, but the boar took me by surprise," Allen said rubbing his butt in sore remembrance.

"Why didn't you just kill it?" Kanda asked throwing the boar on top of the table with a loud ‘thunk’. Dishes sprayed out from under the boar and toppled onto the ground.

"Well, I didn't have a knife or anything and-"

"You're too soft," Kanda said examining the boar trying to figure out the best way to get the meat off it. Allen simmered behind Kanda. It was true he didn't want to kill the boar, it wasn't akuma and they would've been fine with berries for a while. He also didn't like to use his anti-akuma weapon on anything but akuma which left him a little helpless.

Kanda turned quickly to Allen who seemed to be a steaming teapot. He handed him a knife he'd found earlier and then began to unbutton Allen's coat, but just the first couple of buttons. Allen stared at Kanda quizzically, now was certainly not the time to-

Kanda deftly slipped Allen's neck tie off. The long, dark red fabric sailed up to the top of Kanda's head where he made a neat pony tail and used Allen's tie to pull it together. He quickly leaned down and kissed Allen's lips while Allen blinked and then pouted.

"Now gut it and make dinner," Kanda instructed trailing upstairs.

\---

Allen made due with the utensils he could find, and boiled it all in hot water to kill the germs. He carved up the meat making a bit of a mess, but produced a sufficient dinner. After cleaning up downstairs, he presented a plate of meat to Kanda upstairs with a little bow and then sat down on the floor so they could eat together.  

The day dragged on with nothing further happening to them. Allen watched the smoke curling into the air, thick and heavy above the stone wall. The sun was setting with bright pinks and oranges. He sighed.

“I want to go back,” Allen said to the window.

“We have to focus on the mission Moyashi,” Kanda said from the bed. The empty plate of food was sitting on the floor near the wooden night stand. Allen turned around to face Kanda.

“What if the akuma went after the village? They’ll all die,” Allen said.

“You have no way of knowing. You told me in Mater you focus on what’s in front of you. Do that now,” Kanda said closing his eyes again. Allen walked away from the window, Kanda opened one eye and glanced at Allen who was taking off his coat and laying it neatly on the moth eaten pillow.

“Give me your coat,” Allen said. Kanda opened his eyes and stared straight through Allen. “It’s hotter than hell and I can tell you’re sweating Kanda. Just give me your jacket.” Kanda wanted to argue as was his nature when Allen spoke, but he really didn’t need the coat on in this boiling temperature. He took it off and gave it to Allen. Allen placed Kanda’s coat carefully on top of his own and sat down next to Kanda on the small bed. Allen’s shirt hung open at the top without his neck tie to keep it closed. Kanda’s eyes flitted over the smooth exposed clavicle and lingered on the hollow spot at the base of his neck. Allen closed his eyes and tried to meditate with Kanda, but Kanda wasn’t meditating anymore. He could smell the salty sweat and savory cooked meat that had saturated Allen’s clothes and hair while he had cooked.  Kanda liked to ignore his hormones whenever Allen was close, but lately it had been a sheer battle to pretend they weren’t there. And if he was honest with himself, he could ignore them and starve himself of the white haired boy, but he didn’t want to. He let himself crumble a bit when Allen got close.

“Can we talk?” Allen asked after a few minutes. Kanda sighed. He didn’t want to debate again, but clearly Allen wasn’t going to let up.

“Why did you stop the other night, in the tent? And on the ship?” Allen asked. Kanda huffed and turned his head to face Allen. He stared silently at him for what seemed to be an eternity. Kanda watched Allen become fidgety and impatient, but he wanted an answer.

“I don’t want to ruin you,” Kanda finally replied after the last ray of sun descended. Allen was taken aback at this. He instinctively reached out a hand to Kanda’s sitting his lap. Kanda didn’t recoil but he didn’t grasp Allen’s hand either.

“I’ve been through more than you think,” Allen said quietly .

‘Which is why I don’t want fuck you up more,’ Kanda thought bitterly. He wanted to pounce on Allen, kiss him, pin him down, pleasure him. He didn’t want to have another start and stop though. Not another crisis of conscious in the heat of the moment. He had to know his own lines if Allen wasn’t going to make any.

“We need to stop,” Kanda concluded. Allen shifted violently on the bed.

“Ahhhggg Kanda! Stop being stupid. I know you want me, let’s stop playing this game. I’m not afraid of you, idiot. I want you too Kanda. I just wish you would tell me the same thing. You can’t ruin me Kanda, I already ruined myself with what I did to Mana and this curse. Just because you’re older than me doesn’t mean I can’t care for you, or that you can’t care for me,” Allen said shaking Kanda’s shoulders. Allen was sitting on his knees on the bed and with the shaking motion, his shirt fell off his shoulder exposing his sloping neck and the top of his ridged red arm.

“You refuse to quit?” Kanda asked, his eyes soaking up what Allen was usually cautious to hide due to his insecurities. Kanda figured he knew the answer, and being true to himself he knew he would cave in if Allen didn’t severe the relationship. He couldn’t leave Allen alone, especially not when they were alone. After so much time together he counted on Allen in battle and companionship. Would he admit that out loud? Never. He would also never show it- he could still defeat akuma and complete missions without the bean sprout, but they became more enjoyable with him even if Kanda wanted to smack him half the time.

“I can be just as stubborn as you,” Allen smirked.

Kanda pulled Allen onto his lap much to Allen’s surprise. Kanda placed his hands inside Allen’s open collar and ran them across Allen’s back. He could feel the bumpy difference where Allen’s left arm formed. Kanda unbuttoned one more button on Allen’s shirt and it fell off his shoulders exposing half his back and chest.

“You understand this is not normal? No one at the Black Order can know,” Kanda said searching Allen’s grey eyes. Allen felt his heart skip, Kanda was giving in to him. With terms and conditions, but it was so much progress. Allen wondered if it was because they were truly alone without any listening ears.

“Not a soul,” Allen promised.

Allen felt goosebumps spread across his thighs despite the outside and body heat. This was the first time Kanda had been gentle with him when it came to this. Allen wanted to take Kanda’s shirt off, but last time he started taking initiative Kanda shut down. As he wondered why that was, Kanda nibbled his ear then licked his jawline and opened his mouth over Allen’s. Allen couldn’t help but grip the bed and tilt his head back to expose more of his neck to Kanda’s wanting mouth. Kanda bit and nipped at his neck, his tongue pressing into Allen’s collar bone. His hands were holding Allen’s shoulders and he ran them down to Allen’s biceps. For a fifteen year old, he was quite in shape. Kanda’s fingers weaved over Allen’s coarse, ridged left arm.

Allen couldn’t hold himself back any longer; he reached down between Kanda’s legs over his pants and rubbed. He blindly searched for Kanda’s lips and was met with a long wet tongue.  He opened his mouth and pressed his chest to Kanda’s and felt the cotton of his button up. Kanda shifted and laid Allen down on his back, his head at the bottom of the bed dangling off. A button on Kanda’s shirt grazed Allen’s nipple making it hard. Allen’s hands were pressed against the rough plaster wall and the grimy floor, his eyes viewing the world upside down as Kanda undid the rest of the buttons on his shirt.

On top, Kanda unbuttoned Allen’s pants and looked at him. The way it curved slightly to the right, the length of it and what he had underneath. Kanda reached down and cupped him, his finger sliding slowly down while his other hand wrapped around Allen. He stroked him and pulled Allen’s left leg up against his still clothed chest. He was trying to hook it over his shoulder, but Allen was much too short. Kanda pushed the bulge in his pants up against Allen’s ass and simultaneously felt Allen become harder in his hand. He smirked and rode up and down against Allen, while exploring further. Allen was making small noises of pleasure, unsure of his own volume but used to being quiet in the accompaniment of others. Hearing the moans and short breath, Kanda felt himself ache against his pants. He wanted to go into Allen but was holding himself back; maybe he was also a little masochistic as well.

Kanda let go of Allen and crawled over his torso, licking every so often and lingering on his nipple. He then pulled Allen’s head up so the blood could rush back in, and kissed him hard. Kanda’s ponytail fell over his shoulder and tickled Allen’s bare chest. Allen was holding onto the back of Kanda’s neck to keep from spilling off the bed again. Kanda scooped Allen up onto his lap and pressed his back into the wall. Allen’s bare legs wrapped around Kanda’s hips and Kanda began stroking him again. He opened his mouth and used his tongue to push into Allen’s. Allen’s spit tasted of dinner, but with an undertone of sweetness. Kanda hated sweets, but this was an exception. Kanda laced his free hand into Allen’s red one and pushed it up against the wall. He was building Allen up; he wanted him to reach that point.

Allen’s unoccupied hand came to life suddenly, searching to unbutton Kanda’s shirt though his eyes were closed. He could barely concentrate on the task, but he got all the way to the bottom and rested his hand over Kanda’s pants where he was sitting. Still panting between kisses and strokes, he let his hand smooth over the area and crave it. He then ran his hand up Kanda’s now exposed chest, over all his intense muscles from hours upon hours of training and battle. Kanda let go of Allen for a moment and took his shirt all the way off, letting it flutter to the floor. Now he was only decorated with his beaded bracelet and tattoo.

Quickly Kanda moved the exorcist jackets to the night side table out of reverence  and then tossed Allen onto his back, this time his head on a pillow. Allen’s pants were down around his boots and Kanda made fast work of taking them off. They hit the floorboards and then Kanda was by his side, off of the too small bed, with his own pants down around his boots. He was right up to Allen’s face touching himself. Kanda placed two fingers into Allen’s already parted mouth. He opened Allen’s mouth up wider and leaned down to his ear.

“Touch yourself,” Kanda whispered. Allen’s cheeks flushed a shade of fuchsia and did what he was told. He grabbed a hold of himself and rubbed trying to pace it to Kanda. Kanda had his eyes closed and he was leaning over Allen, one long arm supporting himself against the wall, the other going up and down his length. When he felt at the edge, he opened his eyes and came over Allen’s soft lips and into his mouth. Allen coughed but was coming at the same time all over his stomach. Kanda stepped back and pulled his pants back on, and looked down at Allen lying vulnerable and naked on the bed, covered in fluid. Kanda felt his stomach do a backflip and his heart try to escape from his chest.

‘Oh god, what did I do?’ Kanda worried. ‘What did _we_ do?’


	9. From Below

Level three akuma came in a swarm. Allen and Kanda scanned quickly to make sure none were close combat, those would have to be taken out first. The two boys were back to back, as they had been on the ship, and took off in separate directions to slice and shoot down the metal insect like akuma. Allen ducked under one attack and sprang up to spray down the others. Kanda leapt from the tops of the town buildings gracefully, his coat flying behind him in a blur while Mugen set akuma parts scattered around the ground.

"Kanda! There are too many!" Allen shouted wishing his other arm had the same Innocence ability. He heard Kanda shout, releasing his other worldly creatures to devour the akuma in front of him. Allen panted and found shelter for a moment and hoped Kanda wouldn't wear himself out either. The concept of Kanda's regenerating flesh was still new to Allen; he had a hard time comprehending it and still worried about Kanda's safety. Allen caught his breath and came around the corner of the stone building to a cloud of akuma poison. He covered his mouth regardless of his immunity. He looked for Kanda and other akuma. Kanda fell from high above, the poisonous gas dispersing around his body. Allen heard an awful splitting noise. He ran towards Kanda, trying to see through the heavy dust.

Kanda steadied himself on his elbow and coughed.

"Are you alright?" Allen asked putting his hand on Kanda's shoulder.

"Che," Kanda said while pulling himself up. Allen tugged on Kanda's hand to get him to follow. Kanda dug his heels in and wheeled his head quickly to Allen.

"What are you doing? They aren't gone," Kanda said pulling his hand out of Allen's.

"Even if you're okay, we need to get out of this gas, it'll just weaken us," Allen said grabbing Kanda's hand again and forcefully pulling him towards the nearest building. They got inside and Allen slammed the door closed. The windows were broken and letting the gas in. Kanda motioned to go upstairs where the air was clear. Upstairs they ducked low and caught their breath from the relentless fight.

"It seems like another trap," Allen said shaking his head. Kanda looked over Allen's disheveled appearance. Smears of dirt dusted Allen's face like leopard spots. Underneath Kanda watched black pentagrams appears across his flesh. Kanda's eyes widened, but Allen just smiled at him.

"I'm a little like you. It doesn't affect me, just wait," Allen said reassuring the concern in Kanda's dark eyes. Almost as soon as they spread across Allen's body, they slowly disappeared. Allen clutched his chest though and Kanda twitched ready to reach out to him.

"It's not very comfortable," Allen joked. Kanda turned away from Allen and fixed his hair, wrestling with the momentary upset.

"We need to know where they are coming from," Kanda said peeking out the window. The gas had mostly settled down and four level threes were hovering with their dragonfly wings while three patrolled around the ground.

"We'll find you…" a dissociative, metallic voice came from outside. Kanda stood up and away from the window. He reached down for Allen and pulled him to his feet.

"Do you think we can… interrogate one?" Allen asked leaning against Kanda and letting his eyes peer out of the window.

"No. Let's take them down and wait to see which direction the next ones come from," Kanda said bringing Allen away from the window.

"You think they aren't coming straight from the Millennium Earl?" Allen asked raising an eyebrow. Kanda looked down to meet Allen's eyes.

"Ultimately yes. But I think these ones have someone on the island sending them out," Kanda said. Allen cocked his head slightly and blinked at Kanda.

"Who else could do that?" Allen asked.

"Maybe he's contracted with a broker or someone similar," Kanda said. "Let's go." Allen followed Kanda out and they snuck off into the shadows of the buildings. Kanda withdrew Mugen and activated it, while Allen quietly did the same to his arm. They looked at each other, clear in their intent to destroy the remaining akuma and watch for when the next attack came. Emerging from the dark like ghosts, they dissolved two akuma each. The others were alerted and turned their attacked on the pair. Kanda was faster than Allen though and was nowhere near when the level three rained down attack after attack directly on Allen. Allen blocked and dodged but was hit a few times in-between. He fell and shielded himself when another level three came over to join. The repetitive attacks made it impossible for Allen to do little more than defend himself or hide again. He could hardly move without expecting to get hit. He listened for Kanda in the distance and was mildly reassured when he heard Kanda call out "Kaichu: Ichigen!"

Allen kept up his defense and shrunk back behind two buildings, the ground exploding around his feet. He kept running and looking around, trying to meet up with Kanda. The akuma were driving them apart though. Kanda saw another level three approach from the distance over the tree tops and to the East side of the town. Kanda made a mental note of this and switched to his Second Illusion. This level three was a close combat with massive leathery wings. Kanda scoffed at the appearance and evaded another attack.

The level three with the crooked, sharp wings swooped low over the wall and flew straight up. It quickly dive bombed behind a distant building; that's when Kanda heard Allen scream. He dropped his guard momentarily and was blasted backwards. He skidded, dirt kicked up under his heels and he bolted off in the way of Allen's yell. The new level three with its piercing yellow eyes, excessively large wings and dagger like teeth was upon Allen. The wind from its wings made it hard for Allen to move, he was being tossed around as if in a tornado. Kanda withstood the force and with his twin blades made a move to take down the level three. In his haste to end the battle, the other level threes had converged in on the scene and attacked from all sides to dismantle Kanda before he reached Allen's attacker. The akuma set on Allen was unaffected by Kanda whom hadn't reached him, and advanced to Allen. The akuma picked up Allen, seemingly impervious to Allen's gun defense and wrapped him in one wing, tightly binding his arms to his side.

Kanda's heart pumped violently in his chest as he watched Allen get taken away. The big, dark grey wing blocked Kanda's view momentarily and the remaining akuma took the opportunity to unleash on Kanda. Kanda battled ferociously, slicing them up and chasing them back. They began to bicker amongst themselves about something as Kanda caught his breath for a second. And then they left. Kanda began to chase after them; he weaved through the jungle with leaves and branches whipping his face and body at every turn. The short stings of the foliage were nothing compared to his sharp fear for Allen.

Kanda locked onto one level three in order to eliminate it. He caught up by going above it through the tree branches and using the jungle's natural landscape to his advantage. With his Second Illusion he sliced the akuma diagonally three times without hesitation. The others were still flying in the direction Allen was. Kanda could see the winged akuma with Allen in the distance. Allen appeared to be struggling, the winged akuma kept diving crookedly and swooping back up like a drunken bird.

"He's fast!" one akuma yelled out to the group.

"Well flyer faster idiot!" another akuma yelled.

"Let's just destroy him! We have one, we don't need the other!" the third akuma said and stopped. It released two deafening explosions towards Kanda who darted out of them barely, but fell as the edge of the explosion seared his ankles.

"Nooo~ we need two! Dr. Orfasia said TWO of these guys in the black coats," the first akuma shouted and tackled the third who was blasting at Kanda.

"Dummies! He's going to lose the other black coated guy!" The second one said splitting up the first two and narrowly avoiding an attack from Kanda. They all expelled upwards scattering leaves and tree limbs towards Kanda on the ground.

'They are leading me to Allen… And why don't they know we're Exorcists?' Kanda wondered as he skirted through the trees. He jumped over logs, carefully avoided crushing any startled animals and ducked under low branches. He barely registered the thorns that caught him, he just tore through them, forward and sideways to catch up to Allen. He looked up to check where the akuma were, he could see the larger one with Allen in the distance.

"No more games," Kanda said as he took his twin blades and made a mad dash to cut off two akuma heads flying close together. They toppled out of the sky and the third made a shrieking noise and turned to face Kanda with a blast. Kanda slipped backwards and doubled over. He landed with one hand holding him up and he looked menacingly at the akuma. With a violent twist in the air he launched another attack at the akuma, but was blocked. He continued to battle the akuma for a few minutes, constantly moving forward until a last blow cut the demon in half. Panting and clutching his chest, Kanda looked for the akuma with Allen in its wing. He was a bit dizzy from such a long battle and a continuous run. He stopped moving for a second, only to swallow a big breath and search the sky.

"Baka Moyashi," he growled. "Getting yourself kidnapped." Kanda didn't see the akuma, but heard something in the distance. He felt the skin regrowing over the lesions, making things tight again. He walked deliberately through the jungle, listening to the sound as a guide instead of running off into a trap.

'Dr. Orfasia… they are looking for Exorcists. But to lead us somewhere…' Kanda thought as the sound of dull electricity bristled the hair on the back of his neck. 'I don't like the sound of doctor…'

The noise grew louder as he got closer to what he figured must be where Allen was. He picked up the pace and used Mugen to slice through the foliage that had grown dense. Leaves and thorns smacked at his body and stung his face. A hand dangled in front of him. He stopped and saw the glowing green cross in the center of the hand and he grabbed for it. Above him Allen was sprawled out in the unruly branches of a prickly bush. Kanda wanted to be careful when removing Allen, he didn't want to hurt him more than he might already be, it looked like he had fallen through and his coat stopped him from a final decent to the ground.

"Moyashi," Kanda said interlacing his fingers with Allen's and shaking them gently. Allen didn't budge. Kanda got out Mugen and sliced Allen free. Kanda caught him in his arms and looked to Allen's closed eyes. He knelt with him in his lap and placed two fingers on Allen's neck just under his chin. He felt a pulse and relaxed a bit. He knew they needed to escape, but with Allen's lack of responsiveness and the akuma knowing exactly where the town was, there wasn't anything that seemed like a good idea.

The bush began to change shape. Kanda looked around and was on guard with Allen in his lap. The bush simply made a covering for them and retreated to make empty space on the ground. But Kanda's heart nearly stopped when he saw lotus flowers appearing all over. He blinked a few times to make them go away, but they remained. Kanda pulled Allen to his chest, ready to stand up and escape.

"Moyashi, wake up," Kanda urged in Allen's ear. Kanda stood with Allen limp in one arm, pressed to him for stability. Kanda's other hand held Mugen, prepared to defend or attack. Kanda's throat felt wet, he looked to Allen whose eyes had fluttered open, his lips sleepily pressed to Kanda's neck.

"Baka Moyashi, we're in danger!" Kanda shouted. Allen stirred, blinked and tried to right himself which caused him to stumble out of Kanda's arms and trip backwards on the ground. He did not see the gathering lotus flowers. Kanda watched as a glowing beam of light circled around Allen suddenly. His eyes widened and he activated his Innocence, but the ground opened up in a perfect circle beneath Allen and there was nothing to fight. The light faded from the edges of the circle, but the ground remained open and Allen was yelling all the way down.

"Use your arm!" Kanda shouted bellow. Just as quickly, the massive white arm shot up from below, wrapped all five digits around Kanda and brutally wrenched him downwards. Kanda witnessed blackness around him, falling through the ground like sky. He took a tiny comfort that he was grasped by Allen, but was concerned about what was below as it seemed to have also latched onto Allen.

He hit the ground, but the fall was cushioned by being in Allen's armored palm. Kanda was struggling to escape Allen's tight grip. He heard voices in the dark and looked up to see where the sinkhole had opened up. A ladder came into focus above his head; there would be a way to escape. The voices were American, speaking English and getting closer. Two women loomed over Kanda's head and as Allen's grip relaxed around him, Kanda felt he could not move. His eyes widened and saw a huge needle brought up from his side. His breathing slowed, his heart rate dropped but his eyes remained focus and his brain was alert. His lips went cold and a couple of akumas with a stretcher came from the other side of the hallway and lifted him from Allen's hand onto the stretcher. They didn't speak while the women strapped Kanda around his ankles, wrists and triple restrains around his midsection. One woman removed Mugen and held it tightly.

"Take them to separate rooms," the shorter, blonde woman instructed. The akuma nodded and out of the corner of his eye, Kanda watched Allen's arm shrink back through the darkness.

"Where are you taking him?" Kanda asked the brunette who had followed his stretcher.

"Oh! You can talk? Wonderful. We were worried we'd dose you too much," the brunette said.

"Where is he going?" Kanda asked again.

"The same place as you, just separately," she shrugged.

"Who are you?"

"Karsinki," she replied.

"Who is the other one?"

"Dr. Orfasia," she smiled to him.

"Are you with the Millennium Earl?"

"Hmmm," she mused.

\---

Allen's eyes peeled apart and he inhaled abruptly. He looked around; his cursed eye did not see any akuma lurking.

"Hello?" he called out to the room around him. He couldn't feel his limbs, he was unable to move. His brain panicked and he looked for Kanda, only able to swivel his eyes in his otherwise fixed position.

"Good afternoon, Exorcist," a deep female voice came from the darkness.

"Where's my comrade?" Allen demanded.

"Oh, the blue haired pretty boy? He's here," her lip twitched at the corner.

"What's going on?" Allen asked in an effort to remain calm and gather information.

"You've quite literally fallen into my trap," the voice emerged from the darkness to face Allen. She was a short blonde woman, her hair tied back into a high pony tail similar to Kanda. Her face became harsher when sickly fluorescent lights flickered on. Kanda was much prettier than she was.

"Do you have the Innocence?" Allen asked. It seemed to be as Kanda suspected, someone was controlling or directing the akuma.

"I do," she nodded. "But that's of no concern to you."

"What do you plan to do to us?" Allen asked acutely aware of his powerlessness to invocate his Innocence. Static seemed to surge through his extremities. The blonde was looking him up and down, his coat was fixed crookedly on him, ripped in a few spots, but otherwise good condition. She stepped closer to him, all while her hands were placed behind her back. She leered at his silver cross, the Exorcists' emblem. She exhaled sharply at it and narrowed her eyes to glare at Allen.

"I did not expect  _you_ ," she said while cocking her head to the side and lifting her chin up to get a better view of Allen's scar. "Interesting."

" You need to release us," Allen said ignoring her elusive repertoire.

"Oh no. Absolutely not. I have so many plans for you and your fellow Exorcist. I needed at least one parasitic type and it seems the Black Order answered me," she said smugly.

"What does the Black Order have to do with this?" Allen's eyes widened at the mention. This human seemed to have some background knowledge that no ordinary person would know. She walked up to him and held his deformed hand in hers and touched the glowing green cross, it felt hard like glass and warm.

"You should just follow orders young boy, a blood hound is not much different than an Exorcist, right?" she said pressing into the cross. Allen shouted out in agony, he feared she would shatter it or destroy it. She let go after a few moments and backed away from him.

"What do you want?!" Allen shouted at her. He became worried for Kanda. If they had captured him surely something terrible was going on, Allen knew Kanda had the ability to heal quickly, but wasn't sure what else he could or couldn't take.

"We'll get to that later. Right now I have some preparations to make," she said, her dark blue coat swinging behind her as she closed a heavy door.

 


	10. Black Window

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ACK! Sorry for the long delay again. I started a new job so I'm trying to get into another routine. One day I WILL finally complete this. lol

Kanda writhed under the industrial strength straps. They were made out of a material he'd never encountered before, a soft glow emitted from them causing a pinching feeling. Never once in his life had he been unable to escape and he knew he'd be the chance they had to get out of this mess. Allen would never hurt another person unless they were directly endangering his life. Kanda's stomach churned quietly imagining the guilt Allen would feel about killing a person even if it was in self-defense. Kanda couldn't prevent it, so he moved away from the thought. Bright flashes overcame his consciousness though, nasty reminders of a time passed that was similar. 

Strapped to the table in the darkness, Kanda pondered. He drew similarities between his beginning and this situation but he didn't want it to be true. He felt that was too farfetched. Besides, everyone had died. Kanda gritted his teeth as lotus flowers began to blossom across the darkness in front of him. The appearance of the lotus was nothing new, he'd been experiencing it his whole life. What he couldn't make heads or tails of was the frequency, or even the quantity of lotuses that appeared. Most of the time he felt it meant nothing, but occasionally when his mind was empty, he would wonder. Now in this dark space, cold and immobile, he let the curiosity consume him for a few moments. The hair on his arms prickled and a cold blue light was turned on overhead. 

He looked around as best he could and saw vials, dials and other lab equipment scattered through the small room. The mossy stone walls set the laboratory apart from any he had witnessed before. They had another thing coming if they thought they'd be experimenting on him; he'd had enough of that to last more than a lifetime. 

Though he could not actually see anyone, he sensed a presence moving in his direction. 

"Hello Exorcist...." a deep female voice came. It was different than the one he'd talked to earlier. And by earlier he wasn't sure if it had been minutes, hours or days yet. She leaned over him to make eye contact. His eyes narrowed and his mouth curled up in a snarl. He was already short with his words; he would avoid speaking to this woman as much as possible.

"I've been talking to your friend," she continued. "He was very concerned for you. But you look fine; I don't think we did much damage to you so far."

Kanda's glare became icy and his lips tightened to a thin line. Allen's physical state was a concern for him as well, but there was nothing to do about it.

"You seem like the strong, brooding, silent type. I can work with that. Let's see," she said as she dug into his coat pocket trying to find some kind of identification. He didn't carry anything with him that stated his name and she withdrew the search.

"Oh... that's right. You came with the katana," she smiled and turned towards the door. She opened what sounded like a thick metal door. He could hear here speaking softly to someone outside briefly before she returned to his side.

"I have Mrs. Karsinki checking our records for the Exorcist reported to have a katana for their Innocence weapon. So in the meantime, I can talk and you can listen. Because I have a strong feeling you won't say anything to me. Yet," she said pulling a metal chair up beside Kanda. Kanda fervently wanted to burst through his restraints and get both his hands around her throat.

"Your friend seems a bit younger than you, though not nearly as attractive. I've never seen someone so young with white hair. And that hideous scar across his face? Took me a minute to realize who I'd gotten, because I never imagined when this started that Allen Walker would end up in my lab. It is a blessing for me and yet another curse for him. But only if he sees it that way. Because I have a plan to make him stronger, which I believe would appeal to him in his quest to defeat the Earl. Of course that is the mission of all the Black Order, but everyone knows it will be Allen who takes him down. This really is most fortuitous. I could have only hoped for a parasitic type to stumble upon my lab, but the Black Order graced me with precious Allen Walker," the blonde rambled on, hearts in her eyes with the beauty of the situation.

'Always that baka moyashi,' Kanda thought bitterly. As with any evil genius, Kanda expected her grand scheme would get laid down upon his feet in due time. With the information she was carelessly feeding him, he would find a way out of this. Though he did have to silently admit to himself that most of the time the plan meant nothing and he would free himself with brute force. His strength paired with Mugen was no match. As he laid strapped and staring at the ceiling, he became restless with his restraints. Why couldn't he even move his toes? He had to be quick when the paralysis wore off.

"I'll let you in on something; you and your friend Walker are going to take part in what I call the Innocence Initiative or I2 for short. I've been trying to draw someone from the Black Order to this island for what feels like years. Koumi is a little slow on the uptake it seems. It is still Koumi Lee in charge up there, correct? Or did they finally get a new Head Chief?" she mused. "I will admit, finding us it a little hard considering I have to keep moving the damn thing-"

A knock the on the door cut her off. Kanda exhaled audibly, a sigh of relief for the end of her prattling on about her great plan. The last part caught his attention though. She was moving the island somehow. What did she even mean by that? Of course that was the whole reason to try and find it, Koumi knew the island was moving, which is why it was so imperative that they find it. Clearly Innocence was involved somehow and it was certainly tied to the island. Was that woman an accommodator...?

"Yuu Kanda," she said walking slowly towards him. She was off to the side, her hands tucked neatly behind her back. She leaned down over his expressionless exterior. "How lucky did I get?"

\---

"The procedure will hurt, but less if you cooperate, do you understand?" a man in a long white lab coat said calmly to Allen. 

"Let me go!" Allen shouted, struggling beneath the restraints. A few other comically large men stood around, coming closer to Allen. 

"We're going to release the straps, but you will not be free," the man in the coat said.

"Where is Kanda? Where are the finders?" Allen had grown anxious transferring between rooms and being told next to nothing. He hoped everyone was still alive, he believe if he could escape the straps he could active his arm and at least knock out the humans without harming them too deeply.

"They're all fine. Dr. Orfasia doesn't wish to hurt anyone except the Earl," the lab coat said. Allen's chest was heaving, preparing for the hugely muscular men to keep his arm from attacking. 

"The Earl? She's against the Earl as well? But all the akuma we saw-" Allen felt pressure lift from his chest and one, two, three straps released. Then he could move his ankles from the restraints, the paralysis injection had worn off. The white lab coat swished behind the table Allen was strapped up against. The cuff on his right arm was unhinged but the odd material was quickly replaced with a meaty and calloused hand that wrapped tightly around his slender wrist. He looked up to his right to see one of the large men, this one bald with a single gold earring. His head resembled a peanut. As Allen's last restraint was carefully removed, he felt the familiar sensation of his Innocence coursing through him. The urge to transform his arm into a cannon and blast everyone away was strong. He wanted to find Kanda, the Finders and escape. Of course the mission would call for them to actually solve this case, to find the Innocence that was present and bring it back safely. But to what end? Kanda had told him in the beginning to not get in the way and that if he was a burden to the mission, he would be left. Of course that was before all these feelings surfaced. Allen had a sinking suspicion that Kanda would still be determined to locate the Innocence oppose to retreat. They seemed to be greatly out matched though, at least with the injections and restraints impairing the ability to use their Innocence. 

"Let me speak to the Doctor," Allen asserted. He couldn't lose his cool. They were going to transport him again and he needed to get to the bottom of this.

"We're actually taking you to your friend," the man in the lab coat assured him. Allen's eyes widened at this. They were going to reunite them so soon? Allen knew something was up, but this made no sense. As he was marched down the dark, damp hallways of the underground building, he noticed some holding rooms with barred windows. His height made it so he could scarcely see in, but a woman in a khaki coat grasped the bars at one door and shouted to be freed. Allen miss stepped at this and was corrected violently by one of them men holding on to him. 

"Allen! Allen is that you? Get us out!" she screeched as he was pushed towards the end of the hallway. 

"What are you doing with them?!" Allen yelled at the man in the lab coat. 

"Nothing of your concern right now," the man in the coat said. Allen couldn't help his protesting, even if his words were falling on deaf ears. They turned a corner and walked further down the badly light corridor. A room at the end of the hallway opened up into a crude wash room. A large metal tub sat in the middle of the room with brushes, a stool and a towel surrounding it. Allen looked around to his captors with a shifty eye.

"Where is Kanda...?" he asked surveying broken glass, fallen shelves, bent metal contraptions and puddles of water and something… red around the room.

"You'll meet him, but first you need out of those filthy clothes and scrubbed clean. We can’t have germs mucking things up," the lab coat man said. As they approached the tub that was already filled with water, Allen's coat was yanked from him. Thick, stubby fingers peeled off his shirt and he was sat down on the stool and his boots yanked off. His pants came next. Allen's face turned red with embarrassment while the rest of him shivered in the drafty room. 

"Step in or we'll pick you up," the bald man said coldly. Allen stepped in to avoid further awkwardness and pulled his knees to his chest. The water was surprisingly hot, he hadn't noticed the steam coming off the surface before. His body wanted to relax in the embrace of the water, but his mind and current circumstances prevented that. 

"Now you have a choice to scrub yourself raw with these," the lab coat man handed Allen a brush that looked as if it were for the floor and a bar of soap, "or you can refuse like your friend and we'll have to do it for you." 

"I will," Allen said hurriedly taking the bristly brush and green bar soap. He quickly lathered and scrubbed and felt this would be his chance, but he had no clothes. By the time he'd be able to dress himself he'd be reprehended. He tried to focus on the water and that he did in fact feel cleaner, even if a layer of skin seemed to also be coming up as well. Allen dunked his head under the water and thought of the fight that Kanda would've put up. He would not subject himself to such humiliation. Allen hoped Kanda wasn't hurt badly, even if he could recover insanely fast. Allen lifted his head from the water and a dingy white towel was held out for him. He stepped into some slippers left for him and before he could finish drying himself off he was handed something akin to a hospital gown. It was a sickly yellow color with one tie over his hip. He robed himself in it and was marched out of the room. 

Back into the corridor they made another twist around a corner and entered a room behind a heavy metal door. Allen was relieved to see Kanda with his arms folded crossly over his chest, his glare still icy cold. There was dried blood under his eye, but the wound had already healed itself. Kanda was in a similar gown, clearly forced. The collar lay off his shoulder, ripped. Allen had to repress the urge to ask if Kanda was okay. 

The door closed with what sounded like gears clicking inside. Allen looked behind him to see no one was there. He and Kanda had been left alone with a table, two chairs, a locked door and a window with suspiciously dark glass.

"What's going on?" Allen asked. He wanted to run over and kiss Kanda, but he knew that showing more vulnerability in such an unstable situation could backfire.

"They want to improve you," Kanda said.

"Imp- what? How? Wait, they... they can't be with the Order," Allen said putting his hands on the table and leaning forward.

"They aren't," Kanda was being short again.

"So they are with the Earl," Allen concluded.

"No."

"Kanda if you know something please let me in on it," Allen sighed. 

"The blonde woman is working on her own. She thinks she can create a 'super' Exorcist," Kanda explained. Thoughts of his beginning invaded his head. It may have had no effect on him psychically, but mentally he was weakening with the thoughts, whether he would admit it to himself or not. The whole plan sounded too similar to what he had gone through. 

"How does she have akuma around? Without the Earl knowing?" Allen asked. It would make sense that this woman was working as an individual agent, but the akuma left more questions.

"I didn't ask. She is controlling them somehow. She's moving the island to keep the Earl from finding her, and a few missing akuma are of no concern. Looks like she reprogrammed them to obey her. She needed two Exorcists to implement her plan," Kanda explained.

"So she doesn't want to kill us?"

"No. The plan is to remove my Innocence from Mugen and transplant it into you," Kanda said. Allen stood up like lightening.

"But you wouldn't be an Excorcist anymore!" Allen shouted. Kanda remained calm. He knew he'd have to convince Allen to go along with this so they could get out, but Allen may have a hard time believing him. Kanda’s nature was to fight, he was not making this easy at any turn. But the amount of bloodshed he would cause and then end up further trapped on the forsaken rock… not to mention Allen’s utter dismay if the Finders were left… well he had to play things under the radar. Which was proving a little difficult for him. He did had a plan though, but he couldn’t let Allen in on it, not when they were watching.

"I hate the Black Order, I've never wanted to be a part of it. You will be the one to take down the Earl, not anyone else. I can leave and you can fulfill your destiny or whatever you want to call it," Kanda said matter-of-factly. 

"You cannot be serious Kanda. What if her experiment doesn't work? Why would I be an accommodator to your Innocence? These weapons were made for the specific Exorcists, you can't just trade. Is she insane? How would having your Innocence make me better if I can't even activate it?" Allen had a million questions. 

"She's controlling akuma and moving an entire island, I think it will work," Kanda said. He had mastered the icy cold look for so long he knew he wouldn't betray himself with any facial gestures, but saying the words made him want to spit. He had a hard time agreeing with anyone, let alone someone who had captured him and was going to force him through a procedure much like his past. 

"She wants to turn me into a weapon. And the Black Order wouldn't sanction her experiments, that's why she's out here coming up with lunatic plans!" Allen said shaking his head. He walked over to Kanda and forced him to look at him. Kanda kept his arms crossed and looked at Allen with indifference. 

"I will be rid of my burden and you will be able to take down the Millennium Earl. Why are you fighting?" Kanda asked. He gazed deeply into Allen's silver eyes.

"We need you Yuu! I... I need you Yuu," Allen said frantically. He searched in Kanda for the truth and leaned down, wrapping his arms around Kanda's stiff figure.

"What are you doing?" Allen whispered in Kanda's ear.

"Let me go," Kanda said. Allen did not know Kanda for making a martyr out of himself or going down without a fight. This wasn't reality. Allen felt anxiety creep in. He felt Kanda had something up his sleeve, some kind of plan, but was weary of letting him in on it. Then something struck Allen that did not sit well. 

"They only need Mugen to try this," Allen said. "So why are you in dressed like me? Like we're going in for surgery?" 

"Baka," Kanda said under his breath. He shook his head and unfolded his arms. The door behind Allen opened revealing more armed guards and the Doctor. Kanda stood up next to Allen. 

"We need more than his Innocence. Do you know what makes someone an accommodator?" Dr. Orfasia asked, her arms characteristically tucked behind her back.

"God," Allen answered.

"Well, yes. But my research indicates there is something within that accommodator that can be removed so they cannot sync with Innocence. Can you imagine how odd that would be if you couldn't control your other arm, but Kanda could? We're going to make sure that doesn't happen. And what a waste it would be if we transplanted his Innocence and you couldn't control it because you weren't it's particular accommodator. I know, confusing. But you needn't worry about that," Dr. Orfasia reassured Allen. 

"So you're just going to slice us open and hope your plan works out? We could die!" Allen said. He was curious how surgery would go with Kanda whose body would attempt to sew itself back up.

"There has been a lot more thought put into this than you're understanding. Which is okay. You'll understand when you have Second Exorcist blood and two Innocence weapons to wield against the Earl. You two were my hopes and dreams, but I assumed I would get a different pair. You two make the perfect combination of new Exorcist. A Second who can heal himself, who can withstand more physical pain than any other and the boy who will take down the Earl himself. The most prized parasite," she said walking towards them.

"'Second Exorcist?'" Allen asked looking at Kanda.

"Che."

"It’s where I drew my inspiration from. Unbeatable Exorcists. But I have more effective means to keep things under control so they don't end up like they did back then," Dr. Orfasia said swiveling her gaze to Kanda.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments, let me know what you like, what you are thinking, maybe what you don't like? (I've already written a lot so I may not reaallly be able to change anything haha). Comments/kudos are such great motivators for me! I'd like to update weekly.


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